The Great Command

Love God. We take those words so much for granted that we hardly stop to wonder where they are seeking to take us.

Hear, O Israel. It was in a wilderness that these great words of Moses were trumpeted forth in the first place; with the only thing to keep them going was the hope of a promised land.

My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? In a way Jesus words are a love song, the greatest love song of them all.

All quotes from Fredrick Buechner

These stirring words from Fredrick Buechner resonates deeply within me. They remind me that I all too often forget that the command to love God has a purpose to it. The command is not a static command where all I need to do is flip the switch from off to on. If I live the command the result is the command will actively lead me out of the wilderness I have stumbled through for so long to the promised land God has spoken about. It is like an awakening where I stop for a moment from my destinationless wanderings and look around and understand I am hopelessly lost and absolutely nothing around me looks very appealing or comforting. Then as I stand there in my hopelessness I hear the words, "Hear, O Ken, the Lord your God is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, with all you soul, and with all your strength. Love me Ken and I will lead you to a land flowing with milk and honey. Love me Ken and your destinationless wanderings will have a destination and the journey I will guide you in getting there will be incredible."

The words do not stop there however. The example of Jesus speaks deeply as well. "Love me Ken, even in those moments where you do not see me, hear me, feel me, or even sense me. Love me Ken when the utter loneliness is so deep the words you utter are like a love song."

Father, Father, I long so much for you. Where are you? I only want you to be here with me. 

We Have Good News

II Kings 7:9 Then they said to each other, what we are doing is not right. This is a day of good news and we are keeping it to ourselves.

This is the comment of one of 4 lepers who decided to go into the camp of the enemy and surrender to them in the hope the enemy would show them some compassion. Their city had been subjected to a long and brutal siege that was starving the population to death.  The circumstances were so severe that the people had begun to kill and eat their own children, so the lepers decided to go to the enemy camp and surrender to be fed or killed. It made no difference which because they were so hungry they were willing to chance that some mercy still remained in the enemy's heart.

The straits for the population were so dire and they were so weak from starvation they had no power to fight for themselves. Yet during the night the enemy heard the sounds of God's army all around them and they got up and fled in a panic. Simply the noise of marching caused the enemy to get up and run and leave behind all of their stores. They didn't even comtemplate where such an army could have come from. They were filled with the dread of the awesome God.

When you have gotten to the moment where you are so desperate that you would even welcome death, that is a sign that the enemy has convinced you that you are in a hopeless place and no one not even God can rescue you. Yet, that is precisely the time that God shows up to eliminate any question in your mind that you had a hand in changing your circumstance or bringing about your rescue. God shows up when the only rescue possible is through his power. 

When you are able to get up from death's bed and enjoy a bountiful feast how can you keep that to yourself? You are compelled to tell every starving, beaten down, weary, hopeless, imprisoned, blind, sick person, "Wait! Do not give up because I have good news for you. I too was going through your situation and I also saw no hope for rescue, no hope for help and God showed up! He rescued me and I want you to know he can rescue you as well."

Depression is not a Sin

John 9: 2-3, Rabbi who sinned this man or his parents that he was born blind? Neither this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

As I read this conversation between the disciples and Jesus I am struck by how closely this comes to home for me. Society has not really changed much in the 2,000 years that have passed since Jesus walked the earth. Sure the technology of today exceeds what the world had during Jesus days, but the attitudes of society remains the same today as 2,000 years ago. People still look at others and make judgements such as someone is at fault that this man was born this way, but who sinned himself or his parents? If he had been more pure this would not have happened so too bad!

Jesus turns those arguments and attitudes on their head, because he essentially tells them this is what occurs when you inhabit a world that is broken. Little innocent babies are born blind, deformed, deaf, mute, autistic, etc., but God can use those the world shuns and show his power through them. In this mans case in John 9, God chose to restore the man's eye sight. That the world believed his blindness was the consequence of a sin, and now he can see should tell the world your thoughts are wrong so learn to adjust your beliefs, because in a world that is not broken this man would have been born with eye sight the same as the rest of you. 

In the same way, people look upon those who are depressed and say it's their fault. Fix the attitude and your depression goes away, or if you are spiritual enough you would never get depressed. The problem with that argument is my depression has a genetic component. I inherited it, so neither my parents nor myself sinned. My depression like the man born blind is simply a result of this broken world we inhabit. Like the man born blind I cannot reverse it or heal it, but God can work through it to show his works through me.

I have not been healed, but we live in a world where medication and counseling can help depressed people live quality lives. I did not get diagnosed until 56 years of age, and that was God's timing because at that time I was ready to listen to others who knew something was wrong with me. After six weeks of counseling my doctor sent me to another doctor who asked pointed questions and after I answered all of them she told me I am clinically depressed and have been for a long time. She then prescribed a medication that worked well for me. The medication combined with the counseling combined with Celebrate Recovery combined with daily time with God has brought me to the point where I can tell others what God has done for me. 

I will always have to take my medication, but that does not mean God has not healed me. That means for me I need medication to function in a broken world, and God uses the medication to give me a clarity I have never had and he can use me to touch others who don't understand they are depressed. 

Jesus who sinned, Ken or his parents that he was born with depression? Neither Ken nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. Glorify yourself through my illness Father, because you have rescued me from the precipice and I can share that with others who are hurting and help lead them to you.

We Are All Flawed Yet God is Here

She learned this from the villagers, who'd been generous enough to lend her their souls to paint. Not as perfect human beings but as flawed, struggling men and women. Filled with fear and uncertainty and in at least one case, martini's. Louise Penny - The Brutal Telling

Yes, we see the outside, but the heart of a person is what we need to be searching for and in the passage about Clara above Ms. Penny describes how Clara is able to capture the heart on canvas. All of us bear the flaws, scars, amputations and all the other baggage that have brought us to this very day, December 10, 2014. A flawed and struggling people who are filled with fear and uncertainty are a people who have forgotten they can trust the heart of God. That's the problem we get distracted by things maybe a snub, or a smirk, or an inflection in a comment that yields anger or unforgiveness. Then instead of pulling back and saying I can trust the heart of God we react through a wound and all hell breaks loose. The Ransomed Heart Ministry team sends a daily reading and the day I journaled this I read their post and they asked this question. Is God's heart good? And they concluded this way. Yes! The heart of the universe is still perfect love.

Then later that day I read a Lolo Jones post on Facebook that said, Fear is a prison. So these are the things I must hold onto in all battles. If I do not trust the heart of God, I will be filled with fear and imprisoned within my fear. When I am walking with confidence and trust in my Father's heart then the battles around me while inflicting pain and heartache are not fatal, because my Father's heart will never cause me harm and the battles are waged by someone or something else. 

Jacob's dream of the stairway reaching to heaven with angels ascending and descending with the Lord at the top changed his whole perspective about where he was standing at that moment. Well, there is a stairway leading from heaven to right here in my bedroom as I type this post and I can know God is here. He is here because his heart is perfect love and my flaws and struggles do not diminish his love for me. With all the uncertainty and fear swirling around me at this moment it looks a lot like Luz, but God is here and I just need to see him and trust his heart. Yes, I know the answer is not the one I wanted, not the one I prayed for, not the one I screamed for and and not the one I cried for but I will trust his heart because my day of joy is coming.

We Are Planned

Genesis 1: 14-15 And God said let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times and days and years and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.

Are we an accident of the Big Bang or are we planned? In this short passage in the creation story we see God is perhaps looking ahead to day 6 when he would create mankind. Here on day 4 the indication is he is preparing his creation for us. I am not aware of any animal that looks into the night sky and marks sacred times, days, or years. So the Father must have been looking ahead to us, but why?

I believe he was providing mankind a way to return to significant moments in our story so we will remember what God has done for us. Our Father knew we would need some grounding and that is why we celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and graduations among other things. It is also why we remember loved ones, friends, even dark nights of the soul. Today on this last day of November 2014, I still am able to remember the night of 5/13/13, because that is the night I began to call on the name of the Lord and that is the night of my rescue.

The creation story is so much deeper than arguments about literal or figurative days. Our God was preparing for our entrance and subsequent individual journey's. He knew we would leave him and so he was also preparing a way to help us to return to him. In Genesis 4:26, he says and people began to call upon the name of the Lord. The Father was going to be ready for the moment when one of his children wanted to be found and begin calling, "Daddy! Daddy!" The story of creation is incredible and comforting because we are planned. We are not an accident.

Will the Pharisees Ever Shut Up?

I recently came across an essay concerning John Eldredge, and not surprisingly the authors were quite critical of his teachings. The interesting thing is they began their essay with the acknowledgement that Eldredge has touched many men through his writings and boot camps. Then they quickly followed up with their caveat that he is guilty of many errors in his beliefs. His errors they state are not supported by the Bible and therefore should raise caution among those considering listening to him.

I found the essay to be interesting because if they believe Eldredge to be a false teacher, why do they also admit that his message is resonating deeply within men today. It strikes me how these critics sound similar to the Pharisees of Jesus’ day. As in the case of the old Pharisees the Pharisees of today concentrate on works rather than grace.

Now I must be transparent and identify that I am one of the men touched and transformed by God through the message of his servant John Eldredge. I want to respond to their criticism, and I do not want to respond from a spirit of haughtiness, arrogance, or pride. I do not seek a fight as I been in a number of them through the years mainly when I was living as the Pharisees. Ultimately nothing good came from any of those battles. So to address the dilemma of why Eldredge is connecting with men today; my thoughts are the spirit is using him to draw drifting men to the God they are searching for yet haven't been able to see in the congregations they are currently part of. I can attest to this, in August 15 - 18, 2013, I was in the company of 470 men in the mountains outside of Denver who gathered together to listen to God speak to us through his servants of the Ransomed Heart team. I walked away filled with the presence of our great God and learned things about myself that changed me in a deep way.

A fair question is how do I know it was God and not the enemy masquerading around as God? My answer is the enemy would never send me to a place where transformation can result, because the risks are too high that the blind will see, or a captive held in prison might be freed or one sitting in darkness in a dungeon might be released. There is no way the enemy will be willing to take a chance and lose me at a boot camp. 

Another reason is the coincidences are too great to ignore. I found out about the boot camp session following a meeting with my counselor on May 27, 2013. During the May 27 session, she asked if I had ever considered attending a retreat for men where I could share my issues and listen to their perspective on some of the things I am struggling with. In that meeting, I mentioned one of my favorite authors has what he calls boot camps that I had thought about attending in the past but never seriously entertained the idea. I shared that for my assignment that week I would look into one of his sessions. Now, one doesn't just go online and sign up for a boot camp session because they are too popular and require submitting your name into a lottery. I learned that evening that the current lottery for the boot camp in August 2013 was to close on May 28! Yeah, I agree everyone will shrug their shoulders and say coincidence, but this was the first time I had ever entered my name and 3 days later I was notified of my selection. Coincidence or more realistically did God want me to be there? I was to learn later from some other men at the session they had finally been selected for a boot camp for the first time after having entered the lottery 3 times or more over the years.  So, the timing was right for me. God wanted me there at that specific one.

In between the sessions, I was able to get away from the other 469 men in the nearby hills and woods and be alone in the spirit to listen to God speak to me and heal me of many wounds I had not dealt with through the years. During my time as a student at LSU I attended a congregation where I was wounded by some pharisees. The main players were a pulpit minister, a campus minister, and an old “friend” among others. Their message to me was of my spiritual failures, and how my heart is hard and I am a disappointment to them personally. To these specific individuals righteousness was evident by actions and if you did not do the actions that was proof of a hard heart and merited advising others to not fellowship with me. Those were very hurtful wounds and I carried my bitterness against these specific men for many years. Grace was a word they talked about that God provided to me in spite of my sins, but I suppose grace was a God thing and not something they had to dispense themselves.

On the other hand the Ransomed heart team shares grace and they tell men we are beloved sons of the King. I came to understand my Father is jealous for me and wants me to come to him for healing and to learn what he created me to do in this world at this time. I also learned that my anger, rage and depression do not define me as unspiritual and unlovable, but as evidence that I have many wounds that have been unhealed through the years. I heard my Father tell me he made me to reflect his compassion in my image of him in the world. This is not what I heard from the pharisees I worshipped with while in college. Instead, I heard I’m pretty much a disappointment all around.

I submit that Eldredge and his team would say to any broken and defeated man who comes into their company, “Brother you have taken many wounds in your heart and the enemy has been able to exploit them and addict you to (insert addiction), but the truth of the matter is you are loved and God does not want you to remain where you are. Let's help you approach God so you can learn to open up all of your heart so these wounds can start to be healed.” The pharisees of today would say straighten up and then come talk to us.

I was sitting in darkness in a dungeon and it wasn't the pulpit minister, the campus minister, or the old "friend" who fought to release me from the dungeon those many years ago. It turns out the ones who actually shared grace with me were the ones who experienced it the most themselves. They include among others the Ransomed Heart team, my brothers in Celebrate Recovery, the Pastors in my current congregation, my counselor, and my family.

So I do take exception when people attack John Eldredge and the Ransomed heart team because they were among the ones who freed me from the dungeon. I am not a disappointment, God loves me and thinks I’m worth rescuing. My message today is I’ve been released, reclaimed, rebooted, restored, and redeemed. Thank you John Eldredge and the Ransomed heart team for fighting for me along with my counselor, my Pastors, my Celebrate Recovery family, and most of all my beautiful wife.

Intently Looking into the Pit of Hell

Each of us must reach that brink where we look over the abyss into the pit of hell and see what we could become, before we can appreciate what Christ has done for us. J M Kane Wounded Hearts, Broken Minds

While reading Mr. Kane's book Wounded Hearts, Broken Minds I came across the statement above and it stopped me in my tracks. He captured perfectly the situation I needed to experience in order to come to understand what Christ has done for me personally. 

For me, that meant I had to see myself while not wearing any filters or blinders. This was the only way I would be able to begin to comprehend what I had become absent Christ so I could fully understand what Christ was offering to me. The enemy on the other hand fears very deeply our looking into the pit of hell, because he means to destroy as many people as possible to hurt God. The problem the enemy finds himself in is he cannot stop us from looking over the abyss into the pit of hell and comprehending what we really are without Christ. We can make the choice to do exactly that and the enemy knows it, so he does the only thing within his power to prevent us from looking into the pit of hell and that is to distract us so we won't look. Unfortunately, he has shown he is quite effective in his distractions.

As I have shared in a past post, Isaiah 42:6-7:

I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.

The enemy can confuse us so that we are in effect blind, he can imprison us through addictions; hatred, anger among multiple things, or finally as in my case he can keep us in a dungeon of darkness where we think we can see everything we need to see. While not all inclusive these are three ways the enemy effectively distracts us from looking intently into the pit of hell. The majority of us are in one of these three states. Celebrate because God was not content to leave us there and is why he sent Jesus so we could understand that we can either remain where we are or we can take hold of the lifeline grace offers us.

For me personally, my wife sensed for a long time something was wrong; researched and came to the conclusion I was depressed, (my dungeon of darkness). I for the most part felt that was the way life was supposed to be. So on the night of May 13, 2013 under a perfect storm she took a desperate step to force me to go to the brink, look over the abyss into the pit of hell and see what I am becoming. She then left me at that very spot to force me to make a choice: either to return to the dungeon and stay there or take hold of the lifeline grace was offering to me. My glimpse into the pit of hell shocked me and I chose to call upon God and invite Jesus into my heart and live. In the end her brave stand forced me to remove the filters and blinders and look at myself truthfully. Her stand saved my life. Thank you, Susan.