A Psalm from a Week in my Journey

12/07/14

Oh my God, why am I abandoned?
I tried to reach out and explain, but she despised me.
I asked a brother to come, please hear me. No! She forbids me to talk to you.
A sheriff is in my home as though I am a criminal.
She and her dad drive away without a single word or comment.
I am alone and abandoned; not worthy of help or care from either of them.
I lay on my bed with eyes wide open. There is no refuge even through sleep.

12/08/14

Oh my God; I am drained and exhausted.
I am alone now even at work.
I ask my supervisor for a few minutes of time and wait. There is no response.
Thirty minutes later I walk to his desk and ask again. “Oh sure.”
No one cares. I am despised by all.
Home is now a dark, empty prison. The silence is overbearing and fearful.
I am tired yet sleep eludes me another night.

12/09/14

I remain utterly alone and despised. No contact, no word, dreadful silence.
I have been abandoned to rot and decay.
Where are you God? Are you aware of this deep pain?
Do you care? Is this ache to remain in my stomach forever?
I go through motions. Anything to urge time onward.
My desire is for a single word. Yet she utters none.
Sleep is now an enemy for it too has abandoned me.

12/10/14

My soul, my heart, my body is exhausted and faint.
Even food brings no joy or strength. Only a bitter taste.
There is no joy in the world. Nor concern or care.
I called brothers from my past; confessing, sharing, seeking help.
They have not called back to check on my heart or on me.
Yes, I am completely abandoned,
My enemies they increase in number and now include those who I once spoke to face to face.

12/11/14

Physically I am sick. I am drained. I am sleepless.
A new brother invites me to his house. I find light in his company.
He shares words of hope, words of instruction, words of prayer. Indeed words from God.
Comfort is fleeting, but a life line has been thrown.
Oh my God. Five nights! I have prayed to you. Help! Heal! Comfort! Give me sleep!
Am I being heard? Am I worthy to be heard?
God, rescue me from total abandonment.

12/12/14

Another morning as bitter as the five preceding it.
I begin another day replicating my mechanical movements doing nothing.
There is a knock. I open the door and see the most beautiful face of all!
I am stunned, shocked. I collapse in sobs. Her hands reach, touch, and bring comfort.
Oh my God. You heard! You cared! You did not abandon me!
You spoke to her heart through a deep sadness,
and brought her to our door and the road home.
God; you are amazing and great. I will sing of your rescue with all my heart.
I will tell others of your grace and love for your fallen, broken children.