Depression is not a Sin

John 9: 2-3, Rabbi who sinned this man or his parents that he was born blind? Neither this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

As I read this conversation between the disciples and Jesus I am struck by how closely this comes to home for me. Society has not really changed much in the 2,000 years that have passed since Jesus walked the earth. Sure the technology of today exceeds what the world had during Jesus days, but the attitudes of society remains the same today as 2,000 years ago. People still look at others and make judgements such as someone is at fault that this man was born this way, but who sinned himself or his parents? If he had been more pure this would not have happened so too bad!

Jesus turns those arguments and attitudes on their head, because he essentially tells them this is what occurs when you inhabit a world that is broken. Little innocent babies are born blind, deformed, deaf, mute, autistic, etc., but God can use those the world shuns and show his power through them. In this mans case in John 9, God chose to restore the man's eye sight. That the world believed his blindness was the consequence of a sin, and now he can see should tell the world your thoughts are wrong so learn to adjust your beliefs, because in a world that is not broken this man would have been born with eye sight the same as the rest of you. 

In the same way, people look upon those who are depressed and say it's their fault. Fix the attitude and your depression goes away, or if you are spiritual enough you would never get depressed. The problem with that argument is my depression has a genetic component. I inherited it, so neither my parents nor myself sinned. My depression like the man born blind is simply a result of this broken world we inhabit. Like the man born blind I cannot reverse it or heal it, but God can work through it to show his works through me.

I have not been healed, but we live in a world where medication and counseling can help depressed people live quality lives. I did not get diagnosed until 56 years of age, and that was God's timing because at that time I was ready to listen to others who knew something was wrong with me. After six weeks of counseling my doctor sent me to another doctor who asked pointed questions and after I answered all of them she told me I am clinically depressed and have been for a long time. She then prescribed a medication that worked well for me. The medication combined with the counseling combined with Celebrate Recovery combined with daily time with God has brought me to the point where I can tell others what God has done for me. 

I will always have to take my medication, but that does not mean God has not healed me. That means for me I need medication to function in a broken world, and God uses the medication to give me a clarity I have never had and he can use me to touch others who don't understand they are depressed. 

Jesus who sinned, Ken or his parents that he was born with depression? Neither Ken nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. Glorify yourself through my illness Father, because you have rescued me from the precipice and I can share that with others who are hurting and help lead them to you.

We Are All Flawed Yet God is Here

She learned this from the villagers, who'd been generous enough to lend her their souls to paint. Not as perfect human beings but as flawed, struggling men and women. Filled with fear and uncertainty and in at least one case, martini's. Louise Penny - The Brutal Telling

Yes, we see the outside, but the heart of a person is what we need to be searching for and in the passage about Clara above Ms. Penny describes how Clara is able to capture the heart on canvas. All of us bear the flaws, scars, amputations and all the other baggage that have brought us to this very day, December 10, 2014. A flawed and struggling people who are filled with fear and uncertainty are a people who have forgotten they can trust the heart of God. That's the problem we get distracted by things maybe a snub, or a smirk, or an inflection in a comment that yields anger or unforgiveness. Then instead of pulling back and saying I can trust the heart of God we react through a wound and all hell breaks loose. The Ransomed Heart Ministry team sends a daily reading and the day I journaled this I read their post and they asked this question. Is God's heart good? And they concluded this way. Yes! The heart of the universe is still perfect love.

Then later that day I read a Lolo Jones post on Facebook that said, Fear is a prison. So these are the things I must hold onto in all battles. If I do not trust the heart of God, I will be filled with fear and imprisoned within my fear. When I am walking with confidence and trust in my Father's heart then the battles around me while inflicting pain and heartache are not fatal, because my Father's heart will never cause me harm and the battles are waged by someone or something else. 

Jacob's dream of the stairway reaching to heaven with angels ascending and descending with the Lord at the top changed his whole perspective about where he was standing at that moment. Well, there is a stairway leading from heaven to right here in my bedroom as I type this post and I can know God is here. He is here because his heart is perfect love and my flaws and struggles do not diminish his love for me. With all the uncertainty and fear swirling around me at this moment it looks a lot like Luz, but God is here and I just need to see him and trust his heart. Yes, I know the answer is not the one I wanted, not the one I prayed for, not the one I screamed for and and not the one I cried for but I will trust his heart because my day of joy is coming.