The Homosexual Question

I continue to grapple with the homosexual question and articles like one in a recent Christian Chronicle make things confusing for me. The article shared that some folks are accepting the argument that God made them this way and to be candid their argument sounds reasonable and is why I struggle with my emotions over the homosexual question.

Now to begin with it must be stated emphatically that God loves homosexuals. There can be no denying that Jesus went to the cross and died for every single man and woman on the planet past, present and future. There are no distinctions that every man and woman need a savior. We all are desperate for God. But here is the struggle that I have, if God made homosexuals that way then they cannot be held responsible or accountable for how they live. That is where my struggle originates. I have left open the possibility that God made them this way and have neglected to ask an important question myself. That question is did God make them this way? To answer this question I cannot look through the filter of this side of Eden. I must go back to Eden because that is where God created us and where we were meant to live. 

What do we know about Eden? God created Adam and spent time with him sharing the wonders of the world and life with him. God introduced Adam to the animals, trees, fish, birds and fruit. It is as though God was walking Adam through his home much like a realtor did with my family during our eight moves through my career. Then God said it is not good for Adam to be alone and then he made Eve. This is his design. This is how we are meant to be. Adam and Eve were made for each other. They were made to come together in such a way that it takes a special word to describe this. They come to together in an intimate way and it is beautiful to behold. In Eden, Adam would have had no attraction for another man, because Eve was made for him. So there is no evidence that homosexuals are made that way by God.

I can preface this argument by sharing a story. On this side of Eden a sister in Christ was talking about being fearful of things and made a statement that God is the one who made me fearful. God made me this way. But that is not right and when we go back to Eden we see that Eve thought nothing of having a conversation with the serpent. There was no fear as she engaged in a dialogue with him and listened to his argument about the tree of knowledge. Eve had no fear until she ate the fruit and her eyes were opened to what evil is all about and then she felt shame and fear as she hid with Adam from God.

So the homosexual question is really about trying to remove the argument of free will from their lives, because if they can make it not a choice then everyone would have to say the homosexual relationship is acceptable to God. But that is the argument they cannot remove because Eden reveals to us today that homosexuality is indeed a choice. So for those like me who struggle with the homosexual question I can say to those who make that choice you have been given the gift of free will and you can exercise your free will however you want because that is given to you by God. I do accept that you can choose to go your own way. However, I will not agree that God made you this way and I cannot accept your demands that I recognize your relationship as ordained or blessed by God.

But I can share this. I was a violent, raging man and came to understand that God did not make me this way, but that I chose to be violent and raging when I had those moments. When I understood that I needed God in my life he transformed me. Today I can say, I was a violent, raging man but now I am a son of God.

My Dad’s Gift 

In July 2016 my family took a vacation to Alaska. We had visited Alaska previously in 2014, but stayed the whole time in Anchorage making a couple of day train trips but pretty much limiting what we had seen to be within a reasonable drive during the day. We had made a drive north of Anchorage to try to see Denali but it was overcast and did not reveal itself to us that day and I had regretted not attempting a flying tour that would have possibly allowed me to see the mountain through the clouds. So while our first excursion into Alaska was wonderful there was still much to be seen and we scheduled a second trip in 2016 with some specifics stops along the way to see what we had not seen during our 2014 visit. My one driving hope was to see Denali, to see the majesty of my Dad’s creation and I was not taking any chances I prayed daily for God to let me see the mountain.

Our flight landed on July 16 and on July 18 we rode the train to Fairbanks. As we approached the area where Denali would be visible I was disappointed to see that everything was overcast and while I think I got a brief glimpse of the mountain I could not be certain. We arrived in Fairbanks and the next day was more of the same as the overcast skies continued. On July 20 we took a tour to the Arctic Circle and the day started wet and ended wet. The skies were overcast most of the day but we made it to the Arctic Circle and had a fun time. The picture below gives an indication of what the skies had been like since we arrived on July 16 and on July 20 they had still not cleared. 

On July 22 we left Fairbanks and rode to Denali, Alaska where we hoped to see the mountain while we took a day excursion through the park that bears its name. The bus tour happened on July 23 and was amazing as we drove deep into the Alaska wilderness and enjoyed the majesty of the National Park with the wildlife we were able to see. The mountain stayed wrapped in cloud cover all day and our tour driver shared that the previous week the mountain had been visible everyday but this week it was hiding. I got a very hazy picture of the foot of the mountain towards the end of our tour and show it below. 

On the afternoon of July 24, I scheduled a flight tour through Fly Denali to see the mountain. I waited for the tour bus to pick me up and the driver said that at the current time the mountain is covered in clouds and the planes are unable to get close because the area was enshrouded in a violent storm. They would however give me a $100 credit if I would make a flight over the National Park instead. I declined this because I shared that I had scheduled an extra day just in case extenuating circumstances required. The driver said she would check and get back with me at 5:00 PM to see if I could be transferred to a flight the next day on July 25. That afternoon she said they had a slot on the 10:00 AM flight and I would have to be ready at 7:30 AM and I said yes I would do that.

On the morning of July 25 I woke early and waited for the tour bus to take me to the airport. After arriving at the hangar we were told that the tour was going to occur and we would probably get a decent view of the mountain. As Fly Denali was lining up the passengers and assigning us to our our seats we all were looking forward to what we were about to do. I was blessed with the co-pilots seat and we took off for our journey to see the 20,320’ mountain. As we were flying the mountain began to reveal itself through the clouds. You can see how it began showing itself in the picture below which is about 60 miles away. If this had been the best I could hope for it would have been worth it, because up to this moment I had not had as clear of a glimpse as this one. But the Father however, was going to share his glory with me. 

As we flew closer the clouds cleared off and the mountain was there with no clouds obscuring it at all. God cleared the sky because his son had asked him to and I had a spiritual moment with my Dad as a result. A trivial prayer? Perhaps, I know that more urgent prayers than this are said each minute of each day. But God chose to reveal himself to me through his answer and I will use his revelation to share with the world that he cares and he hears his children.

The Pleasure of God

Haggai 1:8 "Go up to the mountain and bring wood and build the temple, that I may take pleasure in it and be glorified", says the Lord.

Prior to saying this God said to the people you eat and are still hungry, you drink and are still thirsty, you live in your homes and are unsatisfied. Have you even wondered why? At this point the people had returned to their homeland after being in captivity for 70 years. They had started working on the temple, but had become discouraged and quit and went about concentrating on rebuilding their homes and reclaiming their lives. In a sense, they had quit worshipping God and then they came to find they did not have the joy they expected they would have upon returning home. So God says to them that he takes pleasure in what we do for him. 

Think about that, we as people can bring pleasure into God! He created the world and we are but small specks on it. He created the stars and the world itself is a small speck compared to them and yet we can bring pleasure to God? The temple cannot hold our creator, but when we build a structure for God and set it apart as special to us we touch him and when we bring pleasure to him we find satisfaction and peace in our lives as a result.

In Philippians 4:8-9 Paul tells us to meditate on whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, or praiseworthy and in doing so we will find God. So God takes pleasure in what we do for him and he surrounds us with things that show he is here. If we want to be in his presence then we need to stop and notice those things around us that reveal him. When we recognize we are in the presence of God, we will only want to worship him and in our worship we will bring him pleasure and then we will have satisfaction within our lives.

A Psalm from a Week in my Journey

12/07/14

Oh my God, why am I abandoned?
I tried to reach out and explain, but she despised me.
I asked a brother to come, please hear me. No! She forbids me to talk to you.
A sheriff is in my home as though I am a criminal.
She and her dad drive away without a single word or comment.
I am alone and abandoned; not worthy of help or care from either of them.
I lay on my bed with eyes wide open. There is no refuge even through sleep.

12/08/14

Oh my God; I am drained and exhausted.
I am alone now even at work.
I ask my supervisor for a few minutes of time and wait. There is no response.
Thirty minutes later I walk to his desk and ask again. “Oh sure.”
No one cares. I am despised by all.
Home is now a dark, empty prison. The silence is overbearing and fearful.
I am tired yet sleep eludes me another night.

12/09/14

I remain utterly alone and despised. No contact, no word, dreadful silence.
I have been abandoned to rot and decay.
Where are you God? Are you aware of this deep pain?
Do you care? Is this ache to remain in my stomach forever?
I go through motions. Anything to urge time onward.
My desire is for a single word. Yet she utters none.
Sleep is now an enemy for it too has abandoned me.

12/10/14

My soul, my heart, my body is exhausted and faint.
Even food brings no joy or strength. Only a bitter taste.
There is no joy in the world. Nor concern or care.
I called brothers from my past; confessing, sharing, seeking help.
They have not called back to check on my heart or on me.
Yes, I am completely abandoned,
My enemies they increase in number and now include those who I once spoke to face to face.

12/11/14

Physically I am sick. I am drained. I am sleepless.
A new brother invites me to his house. I find light in his company.
He shares words of hope, words of instruction, words of prayer. Indeed words from God.
Comfort is fleeting, but a life line has been thrown.
Oh my God. Five nights! I have prayed to you. Help! Heal! Comfort! Give me sleep!
Am I being heard? Am I worthy to be heard?
God, rescue me from total abandonment.

12/12/14

Another morning as bitter as the five preceding it.
I begin another day replicating my mechanical movements doing nothing.
There is a knock. I open the door and see the most beautiful face of all!
I am stunned, shocked. I collapse in sobs. Her hands reach, touch, and bring comfort.
Oh my God. You heard! You cared! You did not abandon me!
You spoke to her heart through a deep sadness,
and brought her to our door and the road home.
God; you are amazing and great. I will sing of your rescue with all my heart.
I will tell others of your grace and love for your fallen, broken children.

I Care for Bill Maher

Lately, I've been listening to many of Bill Maher's dialogues that have been uploaded to YouTube. I agree with much of what he says concerning the nastiness of many conservatives and I think he is spot on many times. However, as an adopted son of God I find him tragically wrong on his thoughts and opinions about my creator and father. In his dialogue about Noah he calls God a murderer of babies. He argues that those babies did nothing wrong, yet God wiped them out along with their parents during the flood. He is correct that any babies born right before the flood perished along with their parents, but his arguments about how this action destroys the character of God are not correct. I have been pondering how would one try to talk with Mr. Maher about this and two examples came to mind.

The first example I remembered occurred in the 1990's near Lubbock, Texas. A young couple with a new born were wiped out when an 18 wheeler plowed into them late at night while they were parked on the shoulder of highway 84 near Lubbock. That particular night the West Texas wind was howling making it difficult for the driver to keep the truck on the highway. The young father in this case did not want to spend money on a hotel, and decided to pull over on the shoulder and sleep for a bit. About two miles past where he had just driven was a picnic area that he could have pulled into which would have kept them even further from the highway, but he drove past that and pulled over where his young family were met with tragic results. It can be said he placed a higher priority on saving $90 a hotel room would have cost than his young wife and newborn son.  The innocent child perished with his parents not because God murdered him but because a poor choice put him in harm's way.

My second example happened as Hurricane Ike was approaching the Texas coast. The authorities in Galveston practically begged and pleaded with the population to get off the island. One of the news crews showed two young children standing with their parents at the sea wall watching the waves crash over it. The parents were acting like this was going to be a party and so much fun as they laughed along with their children at the waves. As the hurricane moved inland, the authorities began getting calls from those who foolishly chose to stay begging for help. All the authorities could say was we cannot help you, give us your information and we will respond when the storm is over. In one example, a woman began texting her friends sharing how bad it is getting. In one of her final texts she admitted, "I think I made a mistake by staying." Tragically she was correct and her body was found in the swampy marshes later. Her house having been completely destroyed she was washed inland by the surge. I do not know the outcome of the two young children and their parents. Those two innocent children may have perished as well, but not because God murdered them but because the two who were given responsibility to protect them made a foolish decision to stay like the lady above.

I don't believe Mr. Maher will be willing to listen to my examples. But like the babies during Noah's time they perished because their parents chose not to get on the ark for whatever reason and in my examples there is a rough correlation to the example of Noah. God is the controller of the West Texas wind and hurricane winds and he could have made the winds cease I suppose. Yet, the parents in both cases made a decision to stay in harm's way and in one case a newborn died, but not because God murdered him but because a tragic choice was made.

Compassion in Action

Ring the bells that still can ring,

Forget your perfect offering,

There is a crack, a crack in everything,

That's how the light gets in.  

From Anthem by Leonard Cohen

Ruth: Who hurt you once so far beyond repair?

Jean-Guy: Am I Ruth? Beyond repair?...........

Jean-Guy: Rosa came back.

Ruth: Yes.

Jean-Guy: I'm glad.

Ruth: She took the long way home. Some do you know. They seem lost. Sometimes they might even head off in the wrong direction. Lots of people give up, say they're gone forever, but I don't believe that. Some make it home eventually.

Jean-Guy Beauvoir knew then that he and Rosa hadn't been abandoned, they'd been saved.

From How the Light Gets In by Louise Penny

The fictional conversation between Jean-Guy and Ruth resonated deeply within my heart. So much so that I had to write it down in my journal after finishing the book and try to capture what my heart was telling me about me. As a person who was diagnosed with Clinical Depression in 2013, I could relate to the lostness of Jean-Guy. He was in a prison of his own making and did not know how to free himself, and then an angel in the form of an old, wounded woman, Ruth Zardo, sits by him on a bench and engages him in conversation. Ruth is a woman who keeps people at arms length seemingly to avoid getting too close to anyone. But, she knows Jean-Guy and deep inside she cares and loves enough to try to rescue him and somehow her words and action penetrated his heart and he listened.

In my life, I did not learn I was depressed until my 56th year. I did not know anything was wrong per se, except that I had a violent temper and there were times I could not control it and I would rage. I have shared my story in previous blogs about how my wife Susan rescued me as Ruth did Jean-Guy, and I am also thankful for my counselors Dr. Holland Miller and Dr. Linda Collings for helping me find my way back home. 

But there is another thing about the conversation penned by Louise Penny that resonates on such a deep level and that is that Ruth chose to not wash her hands but to get involved with a person that was not family, but a person nonetheless. In my story, there were many people who did wash their hands of me and in particular they are current long time members of the Church of Christ and I carry much anger towards them even today. In our church upbringing the thought seems to be that once a person is baptized and saved then any issues that "flare up" are caused by a hard, unrepentant heart and the onus is on the individual to straighten up or else that person can be left behind.  My anger is also fueled because specifically if three of these people had their wish, my wife would have divorced me and now be free of me. I can sympathize with those feelings on one level that of we've seen this happen time and again. But on the level of being a Christ follower I will not offer any of them them sympathy. So, I know if I had been sitting on the bench wanting a rescue many of that mindset would have left me there and not intervened on my behalf because I had not earned their help. Yet Ruth Zardo chose to get out from behind her walls and protective armor and reveal her caring heart to one who was lost and lonely. 

In the lyrics written by Leonard Cohen he says there is a crack, a crack in everything that's how the light gets in. His thought perfectly sums up how our Father worked in his world to rescue me. Everyone of us no matter how tidy or dirty has cracks in our hearts. The Father could have washed his hands of all of us and let us go, but instead he uses the cracks to reveal to his child that he is here. In my case his light got in through Susan, Travis, Daniel, Drs. Miller and Collings, Don, Pastor Jay, Art, Majure, Tom, Donna, Joey, Josh, Khaled, Tonya, Kathy, Al, Pat among others. This is important because no person is not worth the effort to try to rescue especially if you yourself have been rescued. The fictional conversation between Ruth and Jean-Guy paints a picture of compassion in action. Where the majority see someone who is disposable, compassion sees a lost person in need of care and help. Compassion sees a person who is worthy of rescue and worth fighting for. 

So the fictional conversation resonates because I know as a rescued person I must live as compassion in action. God uses the cracks in each of us to let the light get in, but the light doesn't bring the message another person must step into the light and say, "I've been rescued and I can offer you the hope I found if you want it." The world is hungry for such compassion. The world is desperately in need of such compassion.

In God We Trust

There is much uproar among Christians concerning the movement to remove the phrase "In God We Trust" from our currency. I don't know what to think about this really, because I find those that are speaking the loudest are also the ones who don't seem to be trusting the most. In God We Trust is not so much something we carry in our pocket as much as we live in our lives.  These four words should be our testimony not a phrase.

Consider the Israelites for a moment. God appeared to Moses through the burning bush and told him he has heard the cries of his people enslaved by the Egyptians. God told Moses to go to Pharaoh and demand he free them so they could go into the desert and worship God. Before Moses went to Pharaoh he went to share the good news with the Israelites to tell them they will soon be free. Moses then goes to Pharaoh and tells him what God said and Pharaoh rebuffs the demand and increases the burden on the Israelites. Now, if a people trust in God then they would have said something along the lines of Pharaoh is making a big mistake. He's playing with not only fire, but the one who created fire and he's going to get burned very badly if he doesn't free us. God said we are going to be free and that's what's going to happen because In God We Trust. Rather than react this way the Israelites instead complained loudly. They moan and groan about the burden placed on them and blame Moses for causing this. God told them they were going to be free, but he did not tell them what they would go through to get their freedom so they took their eyes off the promise and focused on the present.

In the same way, those of us today who say In God We Trust should live like we really trust him. God said I'm going to be with him in eternity and no matter what the circumstances are that I go through that should be where my focus remains. God doesn't tell me what I am going to go through in order to get to eternity in heaven and it would be wonderful if I had a storm free life. Yet the reality is I have been through many storms thus far and probably have a few more to go through yet ahead, but my God said I'll be with him in eternity and that's good enough for me because In God I Trust.

That is what this phrase should mean. It shouldn't make any difference if it is on our currency or not, because that phrase should be our testimony. That phrase should be how we live our lives. Live like you believe it. God, Father, this is a hard revelation you have shown me, I'm no different than the Israelites and take my eyes off the promise and focus on the present. I want my life to be a testimony that speaks to others in such a way that they say In God He Trusts. Keep the promise of heaven before me and teach me how to keep my focus on the destination and not the journey to the destination. Amen