We Are Planned

Genesis 1: 14-15 And God said let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times and days and years and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.

Are we an accident of the Big Bang or are we planned? In this short passage in the creation story we see God is perhaps looking ahead to day 6 when he would create mankind. Here on day 4 the indication is he is preparing his creation for us. I am not aware of any animal that looks into the night sky and marks sacred times, days, or years. So the Father must have been looking ahead to us, but why?

I believe he was providing mankind a way to return to significant moments in our story so we will remember what God has done for us. Our Father knew we would need some grounding and that is why we celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and graduations among other things. It is also why we remember loved ones, friends, even dark nights of the soul. Today on this last day of November 2014, I still am able to remember the night of 5/13/13, because that is the night I began to call on the name of the Lord and that is the night of my rescue.

The creation story is so much deeper than arguments about literal or figurative days. Our God was preparing for our entrance and subsequent individual journey's. He knew we would leave him and so he was also preparing a way to help us to return to him. In Genesis 4:26, he says and people began to call upon the name of the Lord. The Father was going to be ready for the moment when one of his children wanted to be found and begin calling, "Daddy! Daddy!" The story of creation is incredible and comforting because we are planned. We are not an accident.

Will the Pharisees Ever Shut Up?

I recently came across an essay concerning John Eldredge, and not surprisingly the authors were quite critical of his teachings. The interesting thing is they began their essay with the acknowledgement that Eldredge has touched many men through his writings and boot camps. Then they quickly followed up with their caveat that he is guilty of many errors in his beliefs. His errors they state are not supported by the Bible and therefore should raise caution among those considering listening to him.

I found the essay to be interesting because if they believe Eldredge to be a false teacher, why do they also admit that his message is resonating deeply within men today. It strikes me how these critics sound similar to the Pharisees of Jesus’ day. As in the case of the old Pharisees the Pharisees of today concentrate on works rather than grace.

Now I must be transparent and identify that I am one of the men touched and transformed by God through the message of his servant John Eldredge. I want to respond to their criticism, and I do not want to respond from a spirit of haughtiness, arrogance, or pride. I do not seek a fight as I been in a number of them through the years mainly when I was living as the Pharisees. Ultimately nothing good came from any of those battles. So to address the dilemma of why Eldredge is connecting with men today; my thoughts are the spirit is using him to draw drifting men to the God they are searching for yet haven't been able to see in the congregations they are currently part of. I can attest to this, in August 15 - 18, 2013, I was in the company of 470 men in the mountains outside of Denver who gathered together to listen to God speak to us through his servants of the Ransomed Heart team. I walked away filled with the presence of our great God and learned things about myself that changed me in a deep way.

A fair question is how do I know it was God and not the enemy masquerading around as God? My answer is the enemy would never send me to a place where transformation can result, because the risks are too high that the blind will see, or a captive held in prison might be freed or one sitting in darkness in a dungeon might be released. There is no way the enemy will be willing to take a chance and lose me at a boot camp. 

Another reason is the coincidences are too great to ignore. I found out about the boot camp session following a meeting with my counselor on May 27, 2013. During the May 27 session, she asked if I had ever considered attending a retreat for men where I could share my issues and listen to their perspective on some of the things I am struggling with. In that meeting, I mentioned one of my favorite authors has what he calls boot camps that I had thought about attending in the past but never seriously entertained the idea. I shared that for my assignment that week I would look into one of his sessions. Now, one doesn't just go online and sign up for a boot camp session because they are too popular and require submitting your name into a lottery. I learned that evening that the current lottery for the boot camp in August 2013 was to close on May 28! Yeah, I agree everyone will shrug their shoulders and say coincidence, but this was the first time I had ever entered my name and 3 days later I was notified of my selection. Coincidence or more realistically did God want me to be there? I was to learn later from some other men at the session they had finally been selected for a boot camp for the first time after having entered the lottery 3 times or more over the years.  So, the timing was right for me. God wanted me there at that specific one.

In between the sessions, I was able to get away from the other 469 men in the nearby hills and woods and be alone in the spirit to listen to God speak to me and heal me of many wounds I had not dealt with through the years. During my time as a student at LSU I attended a congregation where I was wounded by some pharisees. The main players were a pulpit minister, a campus minister, and an old “friend” among others. Their message to me was of my spiritual failures, and how my heart is hard and I am a disappointment to them personally. To these specific individuals righteousness was evident by actions and if you did not do the actions that was proof of a hard heart and merited advising others to not fellowship with me. Those were very hurtful wounds and I carried my bitterness against these specific men for many years. Grace was a word they talked about that God provided to me in spite of my sins, but I suppose grace was a God thing and not something they had to dispense themselves.

On the other hand the Ransomed heart team shares grace and they tell men we are beloved sons of the King. I came to understand my Father is jealous for me and wants me to come to him for healing and to learn what he created me to do in this world at this time. I also learned that my anger, rage and depression do not define me as unspiritual and unlovable, but as evidence that I have many wounds that have been unhealed through the years. I heard my Father tell me he made me to reflect his compassion in my image of him in the world. This is not what I heard from the pharisees I worshipped with while in college. Instead, I heard I’m pretty much a disappointment all around.

I submit that Eldredge and his team would say to any broken and defeated man who comes into their company, “Brother you have taken many wounds in your heart and the enemy has been able to exploit them and addict you to (insert addiction), but the truth of the matter is you are loved and God does not want you to remain where you are. Let's help you approach God so you can learn to open up all of your heart so these wounds can start to be healed.” The pharisees of today would say straighten up and then come talk to us.

I was sitting in darkness in a dungeon and it wasn't the pulpit minister, the campus minister, or the old "friend" who fought to release me from the dungeon those many years ago. It turns out the ones who actually shared grace with me were the ones who experienced it the most themselves. They include among others the Ransomed Heart team, my brothers in Celebrate Recovery, the Pastors in my current congregation, my counselor, and my family.

So I do take exception when people attack John Eldredge and the Ransomed heart team because they were among the ones who freed me from the dungeon. I am not a disappointment, God loves me and thinks I’m worth rescuing. My message today is I’ve been released, reclaimed, rebooted, restored, and redeemed. Thank you John Eldredge and the Ransomed heart team for fighting for me along with my counselor, my Pastors, my Celebrate Recovery family, and most of all my beautiful wife.

Intently Looking into the Pit of Hell

Each of us must reach that brink where we look over the abyss into the pit of hell and see what we could become, before we can appreciate what Christ has done for us. J M Kane Wounded Hearts, Broken Minds

While reading Mr. Kane's book Wounded Hearts, Broken Minds I came across the statement above and it stopped me in my tracks. He captured perfectly the situation I needed to experience in order to come to understand what Christ has done for me personally. 

For me, that meant I had to see myself while not wearing any filters or blinders. This was the only way I would be able to begin to comprehend what I had become absent Christ so I could fully understand what Christ was offering to me. The enemy on the other hand fears very deeply our looking into the pit of hell, because he means to destroy as many people as possible to hurt God. The problem the enemy finds himself in is he cannot stop us from looking over the abyss into the pit of hell and comprehending what we really are without Christ. We can make the choice to do exactly that and the enemy knows it, so he does the only thing within his power to prevent us from looking into the pit of hell and that is to distract us so we won't look. Unfortunately, he has shown he is quite effective in his distractions.

As I have shared in a past post, Isaiah 42:6-7:

I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.

The enemy can confuse us so that we are in effect blind, he can imprison us through addictions; hatred, anger among multiple things, or finally as in my case he can keep us in a dungeon of darkness where we think we can see everything we need to see. While not all inclusive these are three ways the enemy effectively distracts us from looking intently into the pit of hell. The majority of us are in one of these three states. Celebrate because God was not content to leave us there and is why he sent Jesus so we could understand that we can either remain where we are or we can take hold of the lifeline grace offers us.

For me personally, my wife sensed for a long time something was wrong; researched and came to the conclusion I was depressed, (my dungeon of darkness). I for the most part felt that was the way life was supposed to be. So on the night of May 13, 2013 under a perfect storm she took a desperate step to force me to go to the brink, look over the abyss into the pit of hell and see what I am becoming. She then left me at that very spot to force me to make a choice: either to return to the dungeon and stay there or take hold of the lifeline grace was offering to me. My glimpse into the pit of hell shocked me and I chose to call upon God and invite Jesus into my heart and live. In the end her brave stand forced me to remove the filters and blinders and look at myself truthfully. Her stand saved my life. Thank you, Susan.

The Story of My Desire

This morning at church one of our Pastor's shared that while weeding his garden the spirit spoke to him that this is the same thing God has to do within us to pull out the weeds in our lives by the roots. I was moved by his words. I had noticed I was allowing certain things to creep into my life and treating them as harmless, while I knew in my subconscious this is something the enemy can use to get a "toe" hold in my life that he will then use very strongly against me. I had let a spirit of lust begin to whisper things to me and rather than shut my ears I allowed the thoughts to lead me into a "safe" search of fully clothed beautiful women. However, the enemy was going to push me inch by inch into more explicit pictures. So, the words of the pastor were meant to speak to my heart and I was able to ask God for his healing and to invite him into my heart to remove the weed by the roots from my heart. The powerful thing is that his words also spoke to other family members as well, because many brothers and sisters approached the altar and prayed while the pastor lifted his words to God. This proves there are no coincidences in the fellowship of God's children. He really does speak to us.

I have been reading through the book, Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge for my second time. The message is so powerful, we find ourselves floating along in life wondering if we are missing something. Why would we have these feelings if we have been successful according to the world? Why would we conclude we've missed out on something if we aren't after needs, but are pursuing wants? Where does this sense of dissatisfaction come from? These men say it is the wooing of God that is distracting us. They remind their readers that we are not an accident we were created.  The creator placed within each one of our hearts a desire that never lets us go. We tend to appease this desire by pursuing status, money, accolades, among other things believing that is what the desire seeks. Yet each time we achieve something we find the dissatisfaction is still there, so something is not making sense.

We come to get a brief glimpse that everything we have pursued till now has not been what the desire was really leading us to. Craig McConnell explained to a young man in Killing Lions, "I think that God has this phenomenal ability in training and developing a (young) man to use what we might view as wasted time or not on target time to just work character, internal issues that are actually essential to the fulfillment of our dreams. In God's economy what he is doing in each of us is in reality no wasted time, because he's after something."  So I can say yes! My career time allowed God to show me things that I needed to see and it finally came down to a dark night of the soul on May 13, 2013 when I had a terrible meltdown and had no place else to turn except to God. This last year and a half, (5/13 - 9/14), has been a tremendous time of growth and understanding for me. I have learned my desire is to understand that God created me to reflect his compassion to those I come in contact with. When I do that I find that I am living within God's story and he allows me to play an important part in freeing those sitting in dungeons of darkness, or releasing those held captive by the enemy, or helping those who are blind to see. I don't know fully this desire, but I am seeing glimpses and I find my smaller story as a petroleum engineer is not nearly as exciting and fulfilling as God's real story. 

David Wilcox summarized this way in his song, Show the Way:

                                 In this scene set in shadows

                                 Like the night is here to stay

                                 There is evil cast around us

                                 But it's love that wrote the play.

I've a part in the play written by love, but occupied by evil. Evil will never have the final word, because evil did not write the story, the story was written by my great God.

But Don't You Know Who You Are?

The Landing Ministry at First Baptist Covington began on August 5 of this year. The young men are divided by age, 6 - 8 grade, 9 - 10 grade, and 11 - 12 grade. The first month has gotten off to an excellent start.

Today, 9/13/14, as I was browsing the internet I was struck by the names of the high profile individuals among us who have recently come out and publicly shared they are a recovering (blank). I admire the courage that it takes for these folks to stand up and admit they have an addiction to something harmful.  It struck me, because I had no clue they were going through the struggles they were so all of them were able to successfully hide their addictions from the public. It also struck me to ask why was I surprised at some of them who came out? Why should I be surprised really? After all they are finding that the success and adoration they sought from the public was not giving them the expectations or affirmations they were looking for. Money, fame, success, attention, and adulation, these are some things most of us seek believing that when we get them we will be satisfied with our lives. Yet, most folks who do get these attain these very things find themselves to still feel empty inside. They still feel lonely. They still ache. 

It is not of course isolated to the Hollywood types. In life I have seen many who believed that promotions, raises, bonuses, ratings, recognitions would lead them to the place where satisfaction with life is found. Yet, they have to start over the next year striving for the very same things. Many of them are just getting started in their careers and already they have bought luxury cars, large homes, and other material attempts to keep the aches at bay and some are finding it is not working. In a few more years many of them will be joining the high profile individuals who have to admit they are a recovering (blank). 

During one of our Tuesday Landing sessions the band sang a song I had never heard before and the lead sang a haunting question the song asks, "But don't you know who you are?" I was struck by that question and I could not get it out of my mind. After the session I approached the lead singer and asked the name of the song that had the question, "But don't you know who you are?", and he shared that the title of the song is You Are More by 10th Avenue North. I downloaded the song and was listening to it on my way to work one morning and the question resonated again and I felt the spirit teaching me that - No, most people don't know who they are because they have not been taught. How can they know? You must tell them.

In the Jr. High open share group we end each session with that specific question to each young person in the group.  ....., do you know who you are? The first time we told him the answer, you are a beloved son of God or the King! Then asked the next one the same question and gave him the same answer. Now as we close the session the young men are answering they do know who they are. Maybe in a few years when these young men begin the search they'll remember where to go for the affirmation they are searching for, and they'll go to their father as he reminds them you are a beloved son and I cherish you deeply. Those who have come out and admitted they are in recovery, I propose that you don't know who you are and when you learn you are a beloved son or daughter of the king your life will change! You are more!

Don't Forget There are Two Realms

My journey through recovery is now at 15 months. The view of today contrasted to May 13, 2013 is a complete 180 to use the cliche, yet it is the only adequate description that can be applied. It strikes me that I cannot offer proof that my life has changed, because all anyone else can do is observe and conclude for themselves whether a real change has occurred or am I merely posing while wearing a different mask? In this case my words saying I have changed are not enough and I believe that should not be the final answer for everyone to have to accept either.  However, if proof is the only form to allow acceptance to happen then mankind is in trouble, because most people would choose to say I am skeptical and will choose to wait years if need be to say "Aha! See I knew he was not different."

Is there an adequate answer then? While reading a testimony about a person going through the grief of losing his wife, the comment was made that sometimes all a person can do is acknowledge that all they can do is say to God, "thy will be done." This thought triggered a revelation from the spirit in my heart.

It strikes me that when we pray; "Father, thy will be done.", this is really a prayer of understanding and acceptance. It represents understanding because we are acknowledging that - God, I know you can alter this. I know you can heal my loved one. I know without question you are able and you have the power. All it takes is a single word from your lips and the present course will be altered, and the outcome will be changed. 

However, the above cannot be the final sentence of what thy will be done suggests. we must also continue in our prayer and say, "Yet for your reason you have chosen not to do what I have asked, and though my grief is great and suffocating, I trust you and submit to thy will."

This revelation sugests to me that we occupy two realms in our lives. The first is realm of proof. This realm is essentially everything is black or white in a manner of speaking. This is the realm of sight, touch, taste, hear, and smell. The realm of proof is the realm of our senses. There is no place for doubt, because our senses have confirmed the reality of the moment. But what of the inquiry of the one who has lost a loved one or my initial statement that my life is now 180 from a year ago. These things cannot be proved with the senses alone.

Here is what I mean. When someone loses a loved one those of us who are not grieving typically say he/she is in a better place. He is in a place of joy. She is free from pain in her new home. We say these things yet we cannot prove them at all. Like the thy will be done prayer, those who are grieving and those who are being transformed are in the other realm that exists beyond proof. The answers to the questions that the senses cannot provide are found in the realm of love. That transcendental realm where God, Jesus and the spirit are found. The realm of love is where we must go when we are seeking the peace, comfort and understanding that the realm of proof is unable to provide.

Where does a Nomad Call His Home?

One of the basic of all Bible stories is the journey of human beings, exiled from all that is familiar, who find home. Lynda Weaver Williams from foreword in The Glad River.

This thought intrigues me because I've lived a nomadic life. My parents moved 4 times during my youth and I have followed that with 7 moves during my professional career. At my current age of 57 that is an average of 5.2 years, (57/11), at each place.  While I did find gifts of beauty at each city where I have lived I can't say the longing for home ever left me. I enjoyed those homes in those cities but I never came to think I am home. My question then becomes how do you find home? Is the emptiness I feel telling me I'm not home yet?

Our longing is for home, but where is that for a people who have lived nomadic lives? Both sets of my grandparents lived out of state and we made annual trips to visit them. I loved the country living of my maternal grandparents and the quiet smallness of the town my paternal grandparents lived in. Yet, whenever we visited them there was never a feeling that we were returning home. Last summer I spent 4 days in the Rocky Mountains west of Denver and my time there can be described as beautiful and breathtaking, but they weren't home and when it came time to leave I felt no drawing to stay there. Colorado was nothing more than just a place to visit. 

I lived in California and enjoyed gold panning, the redwoods, and the mountains, but when I was transferred to Houston I picked up and left with barely a look in my rear view mirror. I fear westerners have lost the comfort of home, because we have become nomadic and have tried to convince ourselves that home is wherever you live. It's not! Of the 11 places I have lived in my life time, none of them ever felt like home. In the River Dance play there is a moment when a young couple has to leave their island and migrate to America. As they are preparing to leave the wife, stands and looks out over the countryside as though she is trying to burn the image into her memory. Her husband takes her hand and then they turn and walk away. At the last moment before boarding the boat the husband takes a quick glance back to see their land for the last time. That is my thought of what it means to have a home. A place your heart longs to be. A place that tugs at your soul. A place that you can tell others about with much detail. Home. Where are you?