Astonishment in the Presence of Grace

Genesis 43:33 And they sat before him, the firstborn according to his birthright, and the youngest according to his youth; and the men looked in astonishment at one another.

This is the reaction of Joseph's brothers when they approach him for food because of the severe famine that was upon the region. At this particular moment, these brothers did not know Joseph was the brother they had sold into slavery many years before. What they did know was they were aliens in the Pharaoh's land seeking food for their people. If necessary, they came equipped with money to purchase the food if available. Yet, what they found stunned them. Isn't this the universal reaction when there is absolutely no reason for such gracious and kind treatment to be given? The manner and the way they were received is inexplicable and incomprehensible to their reasoning. There is simply no ability within their finite minds to begin to grasp why they were being treated in such a touching, moving, and compassionate way.

Yet, isn't this the same reaction we have to grace? I know myself deeply. My hatred, my anger, my resentments, my self adulation, my using God's name in vain, my lust, my covetousness, my .... Wait this is a disturbing picture, yet God let's me dine at his table while he is present! And all I can think of is I don't deserve to be here yet he insists he wants me with him. His grace leaves me astonished, because there is no reasoning that will explain why he gives it to me, when I very clearly do not deserve it.

Refreshing is the word which comes to mind at the moment. I deserved many other things but I was given grace. God reveals how much he loves me and while it remains beyond my ability to grasp, still this should drive me to humbleness and worship. If it does not, then perhaps I have not fully appreciated what God has given me. Why God would choose to bestow me with grace is beyond my finite brain's ability to grasp. Yet, it should leave me astonished, and when I am astonished that means I may not comprehend the why of it, but I do comprehend the truth of it and this is something I must share with others. Astonish me Father, and heal my hardened heart.

Before Grace

I Corinthians 5:9 ....I am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am,....

It strikes me that without grace we have no worthiness. Sure we may be loved, have friends, money, and all the other things that go with keeping us alive, but ultimately in the deep parts of our hearts we are empty and we feel this profoundly. Whether we admit it or not we are all and always striving for worthiness. Consider Paul, before grace he persecuted, jailed, and murdered people associated with the church. Before grace only Paul's beliefs were acceptable. Before grace Paul relished the spotlight of fame. And then he had an encounter that floored him, and from that encounter transformation occurred.

After grace Paul clearly saw himself for what he was, and while his past cannot be undone, grace made him what he became, and that is the difference. Paul did not become an apostle through his own labor and strength, it was grace that changed the course of his life. His search for worthiness brought him to the thing he needed the most, yet this was the very thing he deserved the least; grace.

Shouldn't this be my story as well? Before grace Ken was judgmental and resentful. Before grace, Ken was filled with hatred. Before grace, Ken wanted payback. Before grace, Ken wanted people to notice him and give him adulation. Can anything be said of me differently after grace? I'm really not sure at this point. Where is my flooring moment? Paul's encounter caused him to take notice of his beliefs, his teachings, his convictions. His whole life up to that moment had been in vain, because his pursuit of God was not bringing him closer to God. After Christ revealed himself to Paul, he had no choice but to rethink his whole life to that moment. I am unsure that I have had a transformational encounter that has caused me to pause and rethink. So my summary to this point is, but by the grace of God, I am what I am.

Meet Me At My Place of Comfort

In Luke 5: 1-11, The disciples first encounter with Jesus occurs in the place where they are most comfortable; a fishing boat. This is an environment they know and understand very well, yet on this particular trip they have come up empty. Now Jesus doesn't call them away from what they know, instead he says let me join you and let's see what happens. Jesus uses this setting to reveal to the fishermen who he really is by causing their nets to be packed with so many fish they were stressed so much they nearly broke and the boats nearly sunk. Because this was a setting that the disciples understood very well and were comfortable with the events that transpired caused them to understand fairly clearly just who Jesus is.

It struck me that this is the way Jesus will meet me as well. I won't find him through some extra sensory encounter, because it won't mean a thing to me. Instead, he knows where I am most comfortable and will come to meet me there, because it is there I will come to understand most clearly who he really is.

Now fast forward to John 21 and we find the disciples in a funk following the Crucifixion of Jesus and the uncertainty of what his resurrection is about. So, they return to an activity they are most comfortable with; fishing. Their last fishing trip before they met Jesus found them up all night with nothing to show for their efforts. The result is the same for this trip as well. Jesus, once again comes to the place where they are comfortable and meets them. This time he stands on the shore and calls out and asks them about their catch and they reply they have not had any luck. So, he tells them to drop the nets on the other side of the boat and they'll find some fish there. The result is the same this time as well and Jesus uses this moment to remind them that he is who he claims to be.

In the same way, when I go through my times of confusion or doubts and retreat to the place that brings me comfort it is there that Jesus will come and meet me. There is a reason why he would meet me in a place of comfort and that is because I understand that place well and it will take something dramatic to make me realize that this is not normal and I will understand clearly, Jesus is who he claims to be. Through an encounter such as this he reminds me just as he reminded the disciples, I am still the same person that you met here before. My power is not diminished and my authority is still unquestioned. So be hopeful and trust in me. Now get up and go where God leads you and accomplish His will. Jesus, let me meet you in my place of comfort so you can reveal to me exactly who you are, the son of God most high!

No Tears on My Forehead

Ernest Gordan's book, To End All Wars, is deep and touching. As of this moment I have not finished it, but it is rich in sharing how men in desperate and difficult circumstances rose above selfishness and self preservation living to see miracles occur all around them. They were prisoners of war under Japan and their treatment was extremely and excessively brutal. Yet they came to feel another "presence" among them in the selfless acts of other prisoners who gave themselves up for the majority.

There is a story Mr. Gordan shares in his book that I can relate to very deeply. A young man is dying in the prison's death house. The death house was a place where the most sick and weak were brought to stay until they finally died. The young man in the death house had no hope and all he could feel was his heavy weight of loneliness. He asked one of the orderlies to see if Ernest Gordan would come and visit him. The orderly approached Mr. Gordan and told him of the young man's request and he agreed to go and meet him. Upon seeing the nameless young man for the first time Gordan wrote these words of what he saw, "The dim light accentuated the boys youth and loneliness." The young man was afraid and friendless in a place deep with death and those in the process of dying. Gordan visited with him and told the young man he'd come and see him each day. In the process, Gordan also told others about the young man and soon many people were dropping by the death house to spend some time with him before the gangrene finished its awful work. During their visits, Gordan and the others allowed God to minister to him through them.

On the young man's last night to live,the orderly sent for Gordan to tell him the young man didn't have long to live. Rushing to his side, Gordan described that he saw a different person before him. The young man was no longer lonely and now he was confident as his time drew near. Gordan began reciting the Lord's prayer and the young man mouthed it with him. While Gordan continued through the prayer, the young man's breaths came in sobs and finally quit altogether. Gordan said, "I put down his hand by his side, smoothed his hair and wiped from his forehead one of my tears."

The reason this story is so moving to me is because there is one difference for me. The loneliness is as real for me as for the young man in the story. I can relate deeply to being friendless and lonely. Yet for me, there will be no tears on my forehead. I will not be missed. And that ache is very painful and I want so much what Ernest Gordan and the other prisoners found in their POW compound. I hope the rest of the book brings light to me.

Where Has Empathy Gone?

An observation: I believe that empathy is fast becoming a lost human trait. I've been working in downtown Houston for over a year now and from time to time homeless people will approach those of us standing at our bus stop and ask for money. As I watch them approach individuals, I see many kinds of reactions. Some will look and listen to their plea and then shake their heads no. Others will respond I don't carry cash on my person. Some will wave the person away as they are approaching them. Yet, the ones that really get to me are the ones who have their Blackberry's or Iphone's in their hands and will not even look at the homeless person while they are talking. It is as though they are saying, you are not worth me looking at and acknowledging you as a person.

How did we get this way? I think that most of those waiting at the bus stop make way more money than we need to be comfortable. So, what will one dollar hurt if we have more discretionary cash than we need? I have heard the arguments from people in my church to justify why they choose to ignore them because, "I don't think we should give to them because they are probably going to buy alcohol or drugs with the money." So, does that truly justify not having empathy towards them? Or is that simply an argument to keep our consciences salved?

The prime example of little empathy living in the world today came from the former CEO of BP when the Gulf blowout occurred. I don't for a moment think he meant it to come out in the words that it did, but how could he say, "I just want my life back"? At that very moment there were 11 families who wanted their loved ones back. Yet, what was on his heart was not the grieving families, but his life. The clear example of no empathy in his heart was the sneaky way he chose to leave the gulf region while his company was fighting hard to contain a major disaster so he could attend a sailing competition. He was so sneaky, he tried to disguise himself while on the boat so others would not notice what he was doing. All of this shows a deep lack of empathy in this man. Yet, I believe it mirrors that majority of us on this good Earth.

Philip Yancey writes that when we read the Bible one thing we notice is that Jesus never turned anybody away that approached him and asked him for something. He also did not discriminate based on circumstance. By that I mean between deciding that this person is "more" deserving of my help than that person is. He healed everyone who asked him for healing. He talked to everyone who approached him with questions. The Samaritan woman at the well who was living with her boyfriend after being married and divorced 5 times found deep empathy from Jesus and it changed her life. Yet I don't see empathy occurring very much in our society today.

On this Thanksgiving Day, I have the ability to pause and lift up thanks for my material blessings and I have much. I think moving forward I want to imitate Jesus and not turn people away that ask me for help. Let's see if empathy can be reignited once it has grown cold in our hearts. We know that it has power, because empathy moved the Samaritan women so much that she ran into town and told them you need to "come see this man I met, because I think he is the Messiah!" Rekindle empathy in my heart, Father, because you tell us that you care about the poor, the orphans, the widows, and the weak among us. I want to exhibit what you expect from me as your child.

God Notices Our Worship

Isaiah 58: 1-3 ...tell my people their transgression... Why have we fasted and YOU have not seen? Why have we afflicted our souls and YOU take no notice?

We always conclude that actions, (acts), are what God looks for. Yet worship is not about looking righteous or performing acts for God to see. It is about our hearts focusing on Him and living in the way He wants us to live. It is easy to ask, what then does worship look like? God answers in the same chapter of Isaiah. When we worship God is shows in how we treat others. He tells us our worship of Him looses the bonds of wickedness, undoes heavy burdens, frees the oppressed, shares bread with the hungry, opens your house to the poor, and clothes the naked. When we worship God our hearts cannot be turned away from those He loves as dearly as He loves us and we want to help where He uses us.

God notices those people that the world gives no concern for. God sees them, and if we are blessed with abundance or excess and do not share it with the hurting around us, God notices our callousness and there is no way that kind of behaviour even comes close to resembling worship. Father, help me to worship in truth and spirit.

From Filth to Sonship

Zechariah 3: 3-4 Now Joshua the High priest was clothed with filthy garments and was standing before the angel of the Lord. Then He answered, Take away the filthy garments from him. See I have removed your iniquity from you and I will clothe you with rich robes.

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When I truly approach God I fully comprehend that I am clothed in filth. I may think I'm coming before Him wearing my Sunday best, yet in comparison to purity I easily understand my filthiness. I cannot scrub hard enough to become clean enough to stand in the presence of God. But, because God is love, He does for me what I cannot do for myself. He removes my iniquity because I can't remove it. Then when I am cleaned to my soul, the Father wraps me in rich robes that I cannot provide for myself. Unmerited and completely unbelievable!

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I approach God with all my filth and He doesn't cast me out of His presence. Instead Father, through the cross you remove my iniquity, you clothe me in Jesus, and I stand before you as a son! Awesome!

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Teach me to walk in your ways, and to obey your commands. Lead me to the understanding that your will IS my blessing.