The Story of My Desire

This morning at church one of our Pastor's shared that while weeding his garden the spirit spoke to him that this is the same thing God has to do within us to pull out the weeds in our lives by the roots. I was moved by his words. I had noticed I was allowing certain things to creep into my life and treating them as harmless, while I knew in my subconscious this is something the enemy can use to get a "toe" hold in my life that he will then use very strongly against me. I had let a spirit of lust begin to whisper things to me and rather than shut my ears I allowed the thoughts to lead me into a "safe" search of fully clothed beautiful women. However, the enemy was going to push me inch by inch into more explicit pictures. So, the words of the pastor were meant to speak to my heart and I was able to ask God for his healing and to invite him into my heart to remove the weed by the roots from my heart. The powerful thing is that his words also spoke to other family members as well, because many brothers and sisters approached the altar and prayed while the pastor lifted his words to God. This proves there are no coincidences in the fellowship of God's children. He really does speak to us.

I have been reading through the book, Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge for my second time. The message is so powerful, we find ourselves floating along in life wondering if we are missing something. Why would we have these feelings if we have been successful according to the world? Why would we conclude we've missed out on something if we aren't after needs, but are pursuing wants? Where does this sense of dissatisfaction come from? These men say it is the wooing of God that is distracting us. They remind their readers that we are not an accident we were created.  The creator placed within each one of our hearts a desire that never lets us go. We tend to appease this desire by pursuing status, money, accolades, among other things believing that is what the desire seeks. Yet each time we achieve something we find the dissatisfaction is still there, so something is not making sense.

We come to get a brief glimpse that everything we have pursued till now has not been what the desire was really leading us to. Craig McConnell explained to a young man in Killing Lions, "I think that God has this phenomenal ability in training and developing a (young) man to use what we might view as wasted time or not on target time to just work character, internal issues that are actually essential to the fulfillment of our dreams. In God's economy what he is doing in each of us is in reality no wasted time, because he's after something."  So I can say yes! My career time allowed God to show me things that I needed to see and it finally came down to a dark night of the soul on May 13, 2013 when I had a terrible meltdown and had no place else to turn except to God. This last year and a half, (5/13 - 9/14), has been a tremendous time of growth and understanding for me. I have learned my desire is to understand that God created me to reflect his compassion to those I come in contact with. When I do that I find that I am living within God's story and he allows me to play an important part in freeing those sitting in dungeons of darkness, or releasing those held captive by the enemy, or helping those who are blind to see. I don't know fully this desire, but I am seeing glimpses and I find my smaller story as a petroleum engineer is not nearly as exciting and fulfilling as God's real story. 

David Wilcox summarized this way in his song, Show the Way:

                                 In this scene set in shadows

                                 Like the night is here to stay

                                 There is evil cast around us

                                 But it's love that wrote the play.

I've a part in the play written by love, but occupied by evil. Evil will never have the final word, because evil did not write the story, the story was written by my great God.

But Don't You Know Who You Are?

The Landing Ministry at First Baptist Covington began on August 5 of this year. The young men are divided by age, 6 - 8 grade, 9 - 10 grade, and 11 - 12 grade. The first month has gotten off to an excellent start.

Today, 9/13/14, as I was browsing the internet I was struck by the names of the high profile individuals among us who have recently come out and publicly shared they are a recovering (blank). I admire the courage that it takes for these folks to stand up and admit they have an addiction to something harmful.  It struck me, because I had no clue they were going through the struggles they were so all of them were able to successfully hide their addictions from the public. It also struck me to ask why was I surprised at some of them who came out? Why should I be surprised really? After all they are finding that the success and adoration they sought from the public was not giving them the expectations or affirmations they were looking for. Money, fame, success, attention, and adulation, these are some things most of us seek believing that when we get them we will be satisfied with our lives. Yet, most folks who do get these attain these very things find themselves to still feel empty inside. They still feel lonely. They still ache. 

It is not of course isolated to the Hollywood types. In life I have seen many who believed that promotions, raises, bonuses, ratings, recognitions would lead them to the place where satisfaction with life is found. Yet, they have to start over the next year striving for the very same things. Many of them are just getting started in their careers and already they have bought luxury cars, large homes, and other material attempts to keep the aches at bay and some are finding it is not working. In a few more years many of them will be joining the high profile individuals who have to admit they are a recovering (blank). 

During one of our Tuesday Landing sessions the band sang a song I had never heard before and the lead sang a haunting question the song asks, "But don't you know who you are?" I was struck by that question and I could not get it out of my mind. After the session I approached the lead singer and asked the name of the song that had the question, "But don't you know who you are?", and he shared that the title of the song is You Are More by 10th Avenue North. I downloaded the song and was listening to it on my way to work one morning and the question resonated again and I felt the spirit teaching me that - No, most people don't know who they are because they have not been taught. How can they know? You must tell them.

In the Jr. High open share group we end each session with that specific question to each young person in the group.  ....., do you know who you are? The first time we told him the answer, you are a beloved son of God or the King! Then asked the next one the same question and gave him the same answer. Now as we close the session the young men are answering they do know who they are. Maybe in a few years when these young men begin the search they'll remember where to go for the affirmation they are searching for, and they'll go to their father as he reminds them you are a beloved son and I cherish you deeply. Those who have come out and admitted they are in recovery, I propose that you don't know who you are and when you learn you are a beloved son or daughter of the king your life will change! You are more!