My journey through recovery is now at 15 months. The view of today contrasted to May 13, 2013 is a complete 180 to use the cliche, yet it is the only adequate description that can be applied. It strikes me that I cannot offer proof that my life has changed, because all anyone else can do is observe and conclude for themselves whether a real change has occurred or am I merely posing while wearing a different mask? In this case my words saying I have changed are not enough and I believe that should not be the final answer for everyone to have to accept either. However, if proof is the only form to allow acceptance to happen then mankind is in trouble, because most people would choose to say I am skeptical and will choose to wait years if need be to say "Aha! See I knew he was not different."
Is there an adequate answer then? While reading a testimony about a person going through the grief of losing his wife, the comment was made that sometimes all a person can do is acknowledge that all they can do is say to God, "thy will be done." This thought triggered a revelation from the spirit in my heart.
It strikes me that when we pray; "Father, thy will be done.", this is really a prayer of understanding and acceptance. It represents understanding because we are acknowledging that - God, I know you can alter this. I know you can heal my loved one. I know without question you are able and you have the power. All it takes is a single word from your lips and the present course will be altered, and the outcome will be changed.
However, the above cannot be the final sentence of what thy will be done suggests. we must also continue in our prayer and say, "Yet for your reason you have chosen not to do what I have asked, and though my grief is great and suffocating, I trust you and submit to thy will."
This revelation sugests to me that we occupy two realms in our lives. The first is realm of proof. This realm is essentially everything is black or white in a manner of speaking. This is the realm of sight, touch, taste, hear, and smell. The realm of proof is the realm of our senses. There is no place for doubt, because our senses have confirmed the reality of the moment. But what of the inquiry of the one who has lost a loved one or my initial statement that my life is now 180 from a year ago. These things cannot be proved with the senses alone.
Here is what I mean. When someone loses a loved one those of us who are not grieving typically say he/she is in a better place. He is in a place of joy. She is free from pain in her new home. We say these things yet we cannot prove them at all. Like the thy will be done prayer, those who are grieving and those who are being transformed are in the other realm that exists beyond proof. The answers to the questions that the senses cannot provide are found in the realm of love. That transcendental realm where God, Jesus and the spirit are found. The realm of love is where we must go when we are seeking the peace, comfort and understanding that the realm of proof is unable to provide.
