Regrets From My Ungraced Period

Today, my oldest son's school is on TV playing West Virginia who is currently ranked number 5 in the nation and the Red Raiders are putting a spanking on them. As I watched the scenes from a stadium I have sat in from time to time while Daniel was a student there, the spirit brought a number of folks to my mind and I felt led to do an internet search on them while watching the game.

The game is currently early in the 3rd quarter and I have one of those pains in my soul that drew me to the computer to share these thoughts about a time in my life when I was not immersed in grace. Susan and I lived in Big Spring, Texas from 1983 - 1993 and both of our sons were born there. I had graduated from college in May 1981, so I arrived in Big Spring at a young, self centered time in my life.  There were a number of folks who welcomed us to our new hometown, and most of the folks who I felt led to search for were members of the church that we originally placed membership with. Sadly, all of them are no longer with us so I cannot communicate to them how much their efforts toward me are appreciated today. They are of course safely in the presence of their Father and I have no doubt he has said to them well done.

Mr. Ezell Brewer lived across the street from us. He and Mrs. Brewer were the definition of what good neighbors are like. They always had time for us and were the first to reach out to us and say welcome to Big Spring.  Mrs. Brewer was taken by cancer in the early 1990's. Her death rocked Mr. Brewer very deeply, because he was head over heels in love with her. Her funeral was a real special moment for me that I did share with him.  When my family left Big Spring in 1993, I did not get back there to check on Mr. Brewer, so I had not thought of him for quite a while until today. He rejoined Mrs. Brewer in May 1999 and he had no other family, so my heart hurts thinking he may have been alone, but I have hope that that is not true because he was so genuine and everyone who met him loved him. I miss your times visiting with me, Mr. Brewer.  You always had time for me, and I regret not checking up on you.

Mr. Laurence Snively lived across the street two doors down from us. He was a widower when we met him, and he was also a veteran who served his country in WWII. He reached out a hand of grace by trying to get me to join the prospectors club that he was a member of in Big Spring. I was a rock hound and he tried to engage my life through rocks, but though I enjoyed visiting with him I just did not want to join the prospectors club. I never thanked him for giving a flip about me. He went home in December 2002 where he rejoined his sweetheart who he lost in 1977. I appreciate your selfless outreach to me Mr. Snively, and I regret not sharing my appreciation with you.

Mr. Mayberry Willbanks lived in a cul de sac across the street from us. Mr. Willbanks was an elder at the church we attended. He took time to assist me with advice on gardening and how to take care of the plants. When his son died in surgery, Susan told me Mayberry was really hurting, yet I couldn't make myself reach out to him, because I didn't know what to do. So I took the cowards way out and moved on without telling him how much he means to me and to know I was thinking about him. Mr. Willbanks went home in January 2004 to get the house ready for his sweetheart Dora Paul who would join him in February 2008. Both of the Willbanks were surrogate grandparents to our two sons and celebrated birthdays, school days and other milestones with us. Brother and sister I regret I didn't reach out to comfort you during your sadness at the death of your son nor did I really thank you for caring about our family.

Mr. Billy Plew knew my in laws and so he and Peggy adopted us when we moved to Big Spring. When I had things break down at our house, Mr. Plew was the one who took the time to come over and fix it and also to show me how to fix it. From grazing plumbing to showing me how to change seats in faucets, Mr. Plew was a man full of grace long before I knew what grace really was. I was too full of myself to realize how unselfish he was to me. Mr. Plew went to receive his reward in March 2008. I regret I did not return your grace with grace.

There are a few others that I have not been able to find in my search, so perhaps they are alive and I have time to share with them the appreciation of their grace that I have today because now I understand what they were doing back then. It hurts when you realize you have been in the presence of grace, but didn't cherish or return it, but the spirit has a reason for laying this search on my heart now I must understand where he is leading me to. By the way, Tech destroyed the number 5 team in the nation and my joy for Daniel is great, but muted because of some regrets from a period of my life.

A Moment of Thanks For the Gift of Grace

Today, we visited a congregation for the second time in our current search for a new family to worship with because of our relocation to Covington, Louisiana. The pastor spoke on a new study he kicked off today about playing games and how we play games with God even though we may not recognize that we are doing it. 

His premise was that we are the product on many things that have brought us to where we are today. Our parents, and how they raised us, our family and our interactions with in the unit, our hometowns, our schools, our friends, our studies, in essence the way we interact and react within the world is due to our experience database. As he shared his comments on all of this two former teachers of mine kept flooding within my mind. One was a junior high science teacher in Lafayette, Louisiana and the other was a 10th grade biology teacher in Harvey, Louisiana.  They probably never met, yet one thing they have in common is that they saw something in me that few others saw or even chose to look for. Hence, part of the reason I am where I am today is because of these two women.

In the 8th grade I was a lonely and hungry boy. I had very few friends and most adults that I crossed paths with saw nothing redeeming in my life. I was a runaway train heading for a severe wreck. I accepted failing grades and didn't worry about the future because the future was a long way off. So, after handing me another F, Mrs. Beyt said she wanted my parents to call her and gave me her phone number to give to them. I did and she and my dad talked a long time and essentially she told him I wasn't trying. So, I was grounded and my dad made me study my science with him each night until I brought my F up to a passing grade. Which I did, only to revert back to bad habits when the pressure was released, which caused another phone call and another round of studying until I brought the grade up. This went on for the whole year and on the last day Mrs. Beyt wished all of us well in high school and told us we all have the ability to succeed. Blah, blah, blah....., was what I thought at the time.

Then in 10th grade in a new city at a new school, old habits had returned and I was failing biology. Mrs. Brumfield, my biology teacher, refused to accept that this was the best I could do. She challenged me and hounded me and essentially shamed me in picking up my grade which I did from an F to an A. On the last day of class she signed my year book with the following poignant challenge. "Try and you will go far." I never had someone, especially an adult express belief in me, so this made a big impact on my life and carried me through many rainy and challenging days.

Why am I pausing to share this story about two women who only played a part in less than one year each of my life? Because they looked at me through the lens of grace. Where the band director, english teacher, and assistant principal saw a dismal failure. These two women saw a boy who needed encouragement and belief. They recognized something in me that I couldn't even see myself. So, in a way, these two women fought for me. They wouldn't surrender me to failure. They wouldn't sit on the sidelines and throw their hands in the air and say it is out of our control. They swam against the current and saved me. The others didn't necessarily want me to fail, but I wasn't worth the effort in their minds, so they shook their heads and looked the other way. But, Mrs. Beyt and Mrs. Brumfield took the extra step knowing they would probably never receive any thanks for their efforts. 

Here's the thing about grace in the way these two women touched my life through it. I didn't ask for any interference or challenge from them. I was content to fail and move on to the next hurdle. Yet, grace allowed them to look into the future and say he has something to offer and as his teacher I need to bring that out somehow, and that is what they worked towards accomplishing. Grace said this person is worth fighting for, he deserves a second, third, fourth, or however many chances until he figures it out. So, grace saved me and I did not go to prison, Mr. Band Director. Nor did I do the drug scene, Mrs. English teacher.  I also didn't wind up on the streets, Mr. Assistant Principal. Grace you see makes an impact in a persons life and two of your peers chose grace over judgement and it made all the difference.  Forgive me my two teachers, but I want you to know that I have thought about you often during these years gone by; often! A student never forgets those who share grace with him; never. So please accept this moment of thanks for your gift of grace in my life.