Grace Purifies a Heart

I've noticed that during the holidays, the evening news broadcasts have a tendency to show more stories that center around people reaching out and helping others in some way. One story that gathered a lot of media time was the police officer who bought a homeless man a pair of shoes on a freezing night so he would be a little warmer instead of being barefoot. This was a story that touched a nation and these are the kinds of stories that the news shows broadcast during the holidays.

I've noticed that when I watch these reports my eyes usually tear up, and I have been meditating on why is this my reaction, and the spirit has laid some thoughts on my heart as a result. What follows that I will share are words speaking only of myself.

First, I believe I tear up because I recognize that this is the way the world should be, yet that gesture is not the norm, it is the exception. The gesture by the officer is exactly what I and all of us should do when we see a fellow brother or sister in need. Yet, I know that in the end our generation will most probably not be defined as a people who reached out to touch those who are in need. We will most likely be know as a generation who lived in our excess and did not learn how to share from our abundance.

Second, and most important I tear up because I must be truthful and admit that in my heart I'm not sure I would have responded as the officer did, and by admitting that I realize I am nothing like my Father and that saddens me deeply. So how can that be if I am a child of grace? Here is my conclusion, I need to let my Father's grace purify my heart and then out of my purity I will look at my brothers and sisters as my Father does and I will minister to them. A heart purified through grace will sing of a Father's love and will do acts of thanksgiving and privilege that he uses me.

It's Undeserved That's Why It's Grace

Saturday, November 17, my bride and I were invited by the College of Education of LSU to attend the last home game of the season as their guests in the Chancellor Suite. We took them up on the offer and went to see the Tigers win a real back and forth fight over our old rival the Ole Miss Rebels. It wasn't until 15 seconds remained in the game that LSU took the lead for good and held off one last attempt by Ole Miss for a miracle finish. We were blessed with great seats, wonderful company, and Louisiana food. Not to mention the time we spent on campus walking down memory lane as we reconnected to the school that was responsible for bringing us together.

On Sunday, November 18, we went to worship service with the in-laws at the congregation that introduced us to each other. We left the in-laws a little early so we could fill up the truck with gas before service started. After filling up the truck we drove to the parking lot of the church and parked in the guest parking. South has parking lot greeters and when they saw us park in the guest parking two of them came over to introduce themselves and welcome us to South Church of Christ. We knew one of the greeters and caught up with him before continuing on to the building.  As we approached the building a couple were sitting on the raised brick flower bed border with their greeter vests and headsets on. As we got closer the lady greeter began talking like she knew us, but I could not really hear what she was saying so I nodded and continued to enter the building. Susan said Ken, that's Teri. I stopped turned around and asked Teri Carpenter? She said yes and then we hugged each other to make up for the 30 years that had passed since we had last seen one another. The gentleman who was seated with Teri was her husband, Pat, and she introduced us to him. Then she proceeded to tell a story about me that caused the others who were listening to laugh.

We began little chit chat and then Pat said he needed to go to greet some people who were coming up the parking lot. Then Susan said she and Aimee were going to go inside and find a place to sit. That just left Teri and I and I knew this was a moment brought about by the spirit. So, I told Teri that I needed to tell her something and it was because I had gone through a 12 step power to choose program at my former church that I was about to say what I needed to tell her.

"Teri, I harmed you when I first started my time at LSU. You had asked me to escort you to a banquet and after the banquet I was not kind and I hurt your feelings deeply. I want to tell you I am sorry.  I was young and full of myself as well as self centered, and I want to make amends. Tell me what I need to do to make amends".

Teri, listened to me and her eyes welled up with tears, but no tear fell. She then said, "Ken, I don't remember what you are talking about. but I am glad you went through the power to choose program, because it touched your heart and made you want to become a godly man."

Teri, presented a beautiful picture of grace to me. I think she was trying to show me what our Father has been trying to tell us since we first messed up, and that is when you became my child I forgive you and I cover over your sin and therefore, I no longer see your sin, but only you clean and purified by my son. Teri has had a rough go. Her beloved dad died way too early and she loved Bobby deeply. Then her first husband had an affair and threw her out like trash. So she had to fight him in court to get what was rightfully her share to begin with. Yet, through all of the disappointments, wounds, scars, and insults she never wavered in her devotion to her God. She praised him and sought him and she is doing well today and looks great also.

So, Teri like her Father looked at me and said I don't remember your sin because I don't see that Ken anymore. I see a Ken who is trying to be the son his Father wants him to be. She shared a couple of things she would like for me to pray for on her behalf and then we hugged one last time and she went to find Pat and share grace with someone else in the parking lot. Sister, your Father is working powerfully through your heart to bring grace to a hurting world. Thank you for sharing some with me because I really need it more and more each passing day as the old Ken remembers some harm he caused and needs to make amends for it. Your requests are high on my list and I am bringing them forward to our God, because you are a special friend and sister and I care for you deeply.

Regrets From My Ungraced Period

Today, my oldest son's school is on TV playing West Virginia who is currently ranked number 5 in the nation and the Red Raiders are putting a spanking on them. As I watched the scenes from a stadium I have sat in from time to time while Daniel was a student there, the spirit brought a number of folks to my mind and I felt led to do an internet search on them while watching the game.

The game is currently early in the 3rd quarter and I have one of those pains in my soul that drew me to the computer to share these thoughts about a time in my life when I was not immersed in grace. Susan and I lived in Big Spring, Texas from 1983 - 1993 and both of our sons were born there. I had graduated from college in May 1981, so I arrived in Big Spring at a young, self centered time in my life.  There were a number of folks who welcomed us to our new hometown, and most of the folks who I felt led to search for were members of the church that we originally placed membership with. Sadly, all of them are no longer with us so I cannot communicate to them how much their efforts toward me are appreciated today. They are of course safely in the presence of their Father and I have no doubt he has said to them well done.

Mr. Ezell Brewer lived across the street from us. He and Mrs. Brewer were the definition of what good neighbors are like. They always had time for us and were the first to reach out to us and say welcome to Big Spring.  Mrs. Brewer was taken by cancer in the early 1990's. Her death rocked Mr. Brewer very deeply, because he was head over heels in love with her. Her funeral was a real special moment for me that I did share with him.  When my family left Big Spring in 1993, I did not get back there to check on Mr. Brewer, so I had not thought of him for quite a while until today. He rejoined Mrs. Brewer in May 1999 and he had no other family, so my heart hurts thinking he may have been alone, but I have hope that that is not true because he was so genuine and everyone who met him loved him. I miss your times visiting with me, Mr. Brewer.  You always had time for me, and I regret not checking up on you.

Mr. Laurence Snively lived across the street two doors down from us. He was a widower when we met him, and he was also a veteran who served his country in WWII. He reached out a hand of grace by trying to get me to join the prospectors club that he was a member of in Big Spring. I was a rock hound and he tried to engage my life through rocks, but though I enjoyed visiting with him I just did not want to join the prospectors club. I never thanked him for giving a flip about me. He went home in December 2002 where he rejoined his sweetheart who he lost in 1977. I appreciate your selfless outreach to me Mr. Snively, and I regret not sharing my appreciation with you.

Mr. Mayberry Willbanks lived in a cul de sac across the street from us. Mr. Willbanks was an elder at the church we attended. He took time to assist me with advice on gardening and how to take care of the plants. When his son died in surgery, Susan told me Mayberry was really hurting, yet I couldn't make myself reach out to him, because I didn't know what to do. So I took the cowards way out and moved on without telling him how much he means to me and to know I was thinking about him. Mr. Willbanks went home in January 2004 to get the house ready for his sweetheart Dora Paul who would join him in February 2008. Both of the Willbanks were surrogate grandparents to our two sons and celebrated birthdays, school days and other milestones with us. Brother and sister I regret I didn't reach out to comfort you during your sadness at the death of your son nor did I really thank you for caring about our family.

Mr. Billy Plew knew my in laws and so he and Peggy adopted us when we moved to Big Spring. When I had things break down at our house, Mr. Plew was the one who took the time to come over and fix it and also to show me how to fix it. From grazing plumbing to showing me how to change seats in faucets, Mr. Plew was a man full of grace long before I knew what grace really was. I was too full of myself to realize how unselfish he was to me. Mr. Plew went to receive his reward in March 2008. I regret I did not return your grace with grace.

There are a few others that I have not been able to find in my search, so perhaps they are alive and I have time to share with them the appreciation of their grace that I have today because now I understand what they were doing back then. It hurts when you realize you have been in the presence of grace, but didn't cherish or return it, but the spirit has a reason for laying this search on my heart now I must understand where he is leading me to. By the way, Tech destroyed the number 5 team in the nation and my joy for Daniel is great, but muted because of some regrets from a period of my life.

A Moment of Thanks For the Gift of Grace

Today, we visited a congregation for the second time in our current search for a new family to worship with because of our relocation to Covington, Louisiana. The pastor spoke on a new study he kicked off today about playing games and how we play games with God even though we may not recognize that we are doing it. 

His premise was that we are the product on many things that have brought us to where we are today. Our parents, and how they raised us, our family and our interactions with in the unit, our hometowns, our schools, our friends, our studies, in essence the way we interact and react within the world is due to our experience database. As he shared his comments on all of this two former teachers of mine kept flooding within my mind. One was a junior high science teacher in Lafayette, Louisiana and the other was a 10th grade biology teacher in Harvey, Louisiana.  They probably never met, yet one thing they have in common is that they saw something in me that few others saw or even chose to look for. Hence, part of the reason I am where I am today is because of these two women.

In the 8th grade I was a lonely and hungry boy. I had very few friends and most adults that I crossed paths with saw nothing redeeming in my life. I was a runaway train heading for a severe wreck. I accepted failing grades and didn't worry about the future because the future was a long way off. So, after handing me another F, Mrs. Beyt said she wanted my parents to call her and gave me her phone number to give to them. I did and she and my dad talked a long time and essentially she told him I wasn't trying. So, I was grounded and my dad made me study my science with him each night until I brought my F up to a passing grade. Which I did, only to revert back to bad habits when the pressure was released, which caused another phone call and another round of studying until I brought the grade up. This went on for the whole year and on the last day Mrs. Beyt wished all of us well in high school and told us we all have the ability to succeed. Blah, blah, blah....., was what I thought at the time.

Then in 10th grade in a new city at a new school, old habits had returned and I was failing biology. Mrs. Brumfield, my biology teacher, refused to accept that this was the best I could do. She challenged me and hounded me and essentially shamed me in picking up my grade which I did from an F to an A. On the last day of class she signed my year book with the following poignant challenge. "Try and you will go far." I never had someone, especially an adult express belief in me, so this made a big impact on my life and carried me through many rainy and challenging days.

Why am I pausing to share this story about two women who only played a part in less than one year each of my life? Because they looked at me through the lens of grace. Where the band director, english teacher, and assistant principal saw a dismal failure. These two women saw a boy who needed encouragement and belief. They recognized something in me that I couldn't even see myself. So, in a way, these two women fought for me. They wouldn't surrender me to failure. They wouldn't sit on the sidelines and throw their hands in the air and say it is out of our control. They swam against the current and saved me. The others didn't necessarily want me to fail, but I wasn't worth the effort in their minds, so they shook their heads and looked the other way. But, Mrs. Beyt and Mrs. Brumfield took the extra step knowing they would probably never receive any thanks for their efforts. 

Here's the thing about grace in the way these two women touched my life through it. I didn't ask for any interference or challenge from them. I was content to fail and move on to the next hurdle. Yet, grace allowed them to look into the future and say he has something to offer and as his teacher I need to bring that out somehow, and that is what they worked towards accomplishing. Grace said this person is worth fighting for, he deserves a second, third, fourth, or however many chances until he figures it out. So, grace saved me and I did not go to prison, Mr. Band Director. Nor did I do the drug scene, Mrs. English teacher.  I also didn't wind up on the streets, Mr. Assistant Principal. Grace you see makes an impact in a persons life and two of your peers chose grace over judgement and it made all the difference.  Forgive me my two teachers, but I want you to know that I have thought about you often during these years gone by; often! A student never forgets those who share grace with him; never. So please accept this moment of thanks for your gift of grace in my life.

Grace Brings Us Home

II Samuel 7:23-24, And who is like your people; the ones on Earth that God went out to redeem for himself, and to make a name for himself, and to perform great and awesome wonders by driving out others and their gods from before your people whom you redeemed. You have established your people as your very own forever and you have become their God. 

The above passage is paraphrased, yet it shouts loudly that hope is real and we have a reason for holding onto to it. When we are young we love to play hide and seek, but when we mature we realize that we cannot really hide who or what we are. For some people that is a traumatic realization and brings about real grief and sadness in our hearts. It begins a searching in our hearts that leads us to the throne of our Creator. The fear that we bring to his throne dissipates when we comprehend that rather than finding punishment we are redeemed! Who could even begin to believe that the heart that comes to God in sadness and grieving over what we have become is precisely the kind of heart the Father wants from us.

To be claimed by God as his own is something most of us cannot fathom. Yet his word promises us his claim is not for a lifetime, but forever. Wow! I enter his presence with a broken spirit, a wounded life, and an empty heart, and rather than finding a lecture I find redemption, I find grace, and I wasn't even searching for it.  

In II Samuel 9:13 we read, and Mephiboseth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king's table; he was lame in both feet. When we are redeemed, the Father reserves a place for us at his table. Places at his table are not reserved for the handsomest or most beautiful. He doesn't reserve the best seats for those who look like they have been chiseled from stone. At the King's table there is room for the lame, the deaf, the blind, the bullied, the rejected, the wounded, the grieving, the lonely, the star, the genius, the beautiful, the handsome, the .....  Our God has room for all no matter who we are or what we are. He does not define us the way the world does and that is why grace is so refreshing and needed.  Thank you Father for redeeming me! 

Another Face of Grace

We are surrounded by grace, but usually have trouble recognizing it. While watching a movie the other night I saw a wonderful picture of grace that Hollywood of all places was responsible for. It was a fictional movie, but the message was powerful to me and I appreciated the way it showed what grace in action looks like.

In the movie, Forrest Gump, following another unsuccessful shrimping attempt Lt. Dan said to Forrest maybe he should ask God to tell us where the shrimp are. The next scene is a classic view of grace as Forrest is shown in a southern black church dressed with the choir clapping and singing.  Lt. Dan is sitting in the back of the congregation in his wheelchair laughing at Forrest and drinking hard liquor.  

These two guys didn't look anything like the regular congregation members.  One was kind of slow and the other was more into mocking God than searching for him, yet they still found a place within this congregation, and that is precisely the point grace makes. It's not about what you can bring to God's church, it's about God bringing you into his church even with all of the baggage you are carrying. Inside his people is where God's grace works powerfully, but we have to open the doors to them.

What can a slow witted person like Forrest offer a congregation? Nothing except himself, I may be out of place here, but I will put on the choir robe and sing and clap, because I am searching for God.  In God's people, those like Forrest find open arms and acceptance, because it is about God and not about us.

Lt. Dan had no compelling reason to go with Forrest so why did he go?  I believe he was searching as well, but he was searching on his terms and he'd bring what I want to bring with me in the search. Yet, clearly the director tried to show that even with a bottle of liquor and a mocking attitude this particular church still had an open door for Lt. Dan.

What a great presentation of grace.  Now contrast this picture to the one Tony Perkins presented in his statement about not inviting just anyone to his church? And contrast it also to the picture the pastor painted in the same meeting when he shouted if you don't like what we say you can get out!  Those are not the words of grace.  As Philip Yancey likes to say, grace like water flows down to the deepest depths and can reach anyone.  That's the picture Hollywood painted in this moving scene. Shouldn't we try to paint the same kind of picture ourselves? Transform me my God.

What Does Grace Look Like?

I am reading a book of Essay's by Elie Wiesel and in one of them he shares this thought. "Some will say to me, yes, but when you needed help nobody came forward. True, but it is because nobody came forward to help me that I felt it my duty to help them." 

A humbling indictment of the nature of man! It is so easy for us to say, look I'm comfortable, I'm safe.  Why should I care about those people? It's really none of my business. Besides, I'm only one person what impact could I possibly have? We love rationalization, it does help us to feel justified for looking the other way, for keeping our hands in our pockets, for averting our eyes. Yet deep in our hearts we know it for what it is; a cop out. 

What did the rationalization of the people of his day cost Mr. Wiesel? His mother, his little sister, his father, his friends, his community, his city, his faith in his God. Because nobody came forward, Mr. Wiesel as a young boy watched his mother and little sister walk hand in hand to the gas chamber. No boy, no child, no person should have to watch his loved ones be forced to walk to their deaths. Yet, that is exactly what we allow to occur every time we refuse to come forward. His wound is so deep that Mr. Wiesel cannot sit back and watch others go through the hell he went through. That is why he lectures us so powerfully by saying, "It is one's duty to ask every day, where am I in relation to God and to others?"

What does grace look like? It looks like a man with a wound so deep that he is haunted by memories so many years later, yet, when he sees the longing look for help in the eyes of others today, he steps forward. He doesn't want another little boy to watch his mother and his little sister be forced to walk to the horror of the gas chamber. Grace says, I went through that pain and I don't ever want you to go through it, so I will stand up and fight for you, because you matter! Thank you, Mr. Wiesel, from the depth of my heart that your words have have begun to soften. I was becoming too comfortable, too safe, too full of rationalizations. 

Whose Church, Tony Perkins or Christ's?

In the current issue of Time Magazine, April 2, 2012, Tony Perkins who is identified as an evangelical leader made the following statement at a rally introducing Rick Santorum, "I wouldn't just invite anybody to my church." As I finished the article, I kept coming back to the statement by a "leader" in the organization about not just inviting anybody to "my" church, and the thought that stayed with me was, what a bizarre statement he made.

I have many issues with the mindset of such a statement as well as many questions. My first issue with Mr. Perkins statement is, First I will concede that someone made him a leader of the church, but I don't believe that the Father made him the head of the church. If he is not the head of the church then he should be only saying words the head tell him to say, and I don't believe Jesus told Mr. Perkins to say, "I wouldn't just invite anybody to my church." Jesus pretty much invites everyone to his church.

My second issue is the church has never been described as the bride of Mr. Perkins, but as the bride of Christ, and as a part of the bride of Christ, Mr. Perkins is charged with preparing the church to meet her groom, and that involves reaching out a hand to everyone who Jesus calls into his church, and has nothing to do with who Mr. Perkins believes are "okay" to let into "his" church.

So, I wonder who Mr. Perkins would not invite to "his" church? The woman at the well? Any of the many lepers? Blind Bartimaeus? The man possessed with the legion of demons? The woman with the issue of blood? Souls such as these are as prevalent in our society today as they were in the time of our savior. Which of these would Mr. Perkins not bother with and why? In the same article, another "leader", says to any people who don't like what they say, "you can get out!" The problem for these guys is I don't see that as the attitude that the savior shared with anyone, except one group and that was the religious "leaders" of his day.

So my comments to these guys is to remind you that you need to be quiet and let the head of the church speak, and the church is his church and not your church. The savior also extended an invitation to everyone, because the Father wants everyone to have a relationship with him. If you don't like what the head says then perhaps the ones who should get out are the one's looking back at you in the mirror.

But I also have some critical comments to the rest of us. How long are we going to accept comments like this in silence? Elie Wiesel said the following about silence. "Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere." Or are we silent because we agree with Mr. Perkins? I hope not because those words have nothing to do with grace, and our Father is all about grace for "ALL" of us.

Astonishment in the Presence of Grace

Genesis 43:33 And they sat before him, the firstborn according to his birthright, and the youngest according to his youth; and the men looked in astonishment at one another.

This is the reaction of Joseph's brothers when they approach him for food because of the severe famine that was upon the region. At this particular moment, these brothers did not know Joseph was the brother they had sold into slavery many years before. What they did know was they were aliens in the Pharaoh's land seeking food for their people. If necessary, they came equipped with money to purchase the food if available. Yet, what they found stunned them. Isn't this the universal reaction when there is absolutely no reason for such gracious and kind treatment to be given? The manner and the way they were received is inexplicable and incomprehensible to their reasoning. There is simply no ability within their finite minds to begin to grasp why they were being treated in such a touching, moving, and compassionate way.

Yet, isn't this the same reaction we have to grace? I know myself deeply. My hatred, my anger, my resentments, my self adulation, my using God's name in vain, my lust, my covetousness, my .... Wait this is a disturbing picture, yet God let's me dine at his table while he is present! And all I can think of is I don't deserve to be here yet he insists he wants me with him. His grace leaves me astonished, because there is no reasoning that will explain why he gives it to me, when I very clearly do not deserve it.

Refreshing is the word which comes to mind at the moment. I deserved many other things but I was given grace. God reveals how much he loves me and while it remains beyond my ability to grasp, still this should drive me to humbleness and worship. If it does not, then perhaps I have not fully appreciated what God has given me. Why God would choose to bestow me with grace is beyond my finite brain's ability to grasp. Yet, it should leave me astonished, and when I am astonished that means I may not comprehend the why of it, but I do comprehend the truth of it and this is something I must share with others. Astonish me Father, and heal my hardened heart.

Before Grace

I Corinthians 5:9 ....I am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am,....

It strikes me that without grace we have no worthiness. Sure we may be loved, have friends, money, and all the other things that go with keeping us alive, but ultimately in the deep parts of our hearts we are empty and we feel this profoundly. Whether we admit it or not we are all and always striving for worthiness. Consider Paul, before grace he persecuted, jailed, and murdered people associated with the church. Before grace only Paul's beliefs were acceptable. Before grace Paul relished the spotlight of fame. And then he had an encounter that floored him, and from that encounter transformation occurred.

After grace Paul clearly saw himself for what he was, and while his past cannot be undone, grace made him what he became, and that is the difference. Paul did not become an apostle through his own labor and strength, it was grace that changed the course of his life. His search for worthiness brought him to the thing he needed the most, yet this was the very thing he deserved the least; grace.

Shouldn't this be my story as well? Before grace Ken was judgmental and resentful. Before grace, Ken was filled with hatred. Before grace, Ken wanted payback. Before grace, Ken wanted people to notice him and give him adulation. Can anything be said of me differently after grace? I'm really not sure at this point. Where is my flooring moment? Paul's encounter caused him to take notice of his beliefs, his teachings, his convictions. His whole life up to that moment had been in vain, because his pursuit of God was not bringing him closer to God. After Christ revealed himself to Paul, he had no choice but to rethink his whole life to that moment. I am unsure that I have had a transformational encounter that has caused me to pause and rethink. So my summary to this point is, but by the grace of God, I am what I am.